Exeter Exceptionalism

Prep fall, I remember racing my friend up the steps of the Academy Building, trying to find a way to get up to the bell tower. The door was locked that first day, so we ended up on the fourth floor of the library, looking down at the campus through the huge windows, the late summer day as cool and brisk as autumn.“Can you believe that we’re lucky enough to live here for the next four years?” he said, breathless, as I leaned against the cool glass. I felt like I could fly that afternoon, looking down at the people walking the paths and the open windows of dormitories. Being at Exeter, I could be above it all—my friends from home, other high school students—I was entitled to a great future because I had been picked out of thousands of applications. I had fought against circumstance to be here and I had won.Then my friend said something I still remember now: “You know what, Exeter’s hard,” he said. “But when we finally get out of here we’re going to be making at least 500K a year. God knows we deserve it.”Looking back now, his words represented the idea of “Exeter Exceptionalism”—the idea that Exonians are above the rest and entitled to benefits others don’t as easily receive. We experienced it firsthand as applicants when we heard stories about Mark Zuckerberg and the multitude of Exonian achievements. We hear it in phrases from all kinds of people, from family and friends to assembly speakers, that assure us that we are “the best and the brightest”, and that we are “the leaders of the next generation.” In many ways, Exeter exceptionalism is positive; it gives us a standard and a picture of the person we can aspire to be—those who are unsure of themselves may find themselves for the first time as belonging to a legacy, and think to themselves: If they can be someone, why can’t I?Yet there are many ways in which Exeter exceptionalism results in harmful opinions and perspectives. The idea that going to a certain school automatically sets you apart as the best is not only ridiculous but damaging . In assuming that we are the best and the brightest—no-strings-attached—we often discredit the achievements of others and tend to have a sense of hubris about our school. Many Exonians, including ourselves, have experienced a time when we felt that we were better than others just because we went to the prestigious Phillips Exeter Academy. We have, at one time or another, bragged about our school, and labeled it as school pride. We openly state that we are better than the other New England prep schools, such as Andover or Choate, and hiss whenever other schools are mentioned in Assembly. Although these actions may fall under school pride, for our institution and its students, it tends to be something more: Exeter exceptionalism, the belief that we are the best simply because we are Exonians. This sense of pride causes us to downplay others and overlook opportunities to learn and grow from others.Centuries of Exeter exceptionalism have also resulted in an excellent, if not overly good, reputation of our school, which can often place a huge burden on Exonians. Since 1781, when our school was founded, many people have worn Phillips Exeter Academy as a top-notch brand, like Chanel or Hermes, and have boasted about their alma mater. We enjoy watching the astonishment on people’s faces when we cite Daniel Webster, President Franklin Pierce, Dan Brown and Mark Zuckerberg, as alumni of the school. Instances such as these have left some people, both inside and outside the Exeter bubble, certain that everyone who goes to Exeter will become millionaires, which is undoubtedly false.At a music summer camp in Lenox, Massachusetts, I met a fellow pianist named Steve from San Diego. While we introduced ourselves, he asked me where I was from and I replied that I went to Phillips Exeter Academy. Steve’s eyes lit up and patted me on the back, nodding in approval and saying, “Good job.” I gave him a confused look.He asked me, “Doesn’t that basically mean that you’re going to Harvard now?”In this case, Exeter exceptionalism had traveled 3,000 miles; in one way or another, Steve had been told that Exeter was still a feeder school for Ivy League schools. Unfortunately, Steve is just one out of thousands of people who are not very well-informed about our school and believe that Exeter is indeed superior to other high schools in the nation. In these people’s minds, all of us will graduate, go to an Ivy League school, and then become multi-millionaires.We Exonians are thus put under pressure to fulfill others’ expectations, to prove that we are a part of that special Phillips Exeter Academy that is instilled in people’s minds. So at school, we focus on honing our external factors of success, such as GPA, club head positions and college admissions results, sometimes erroneously thinking that we will otherwise bring disappointment to family and friends who fervently believe in the nonsense that comes with Exeter exceptionalism—and therefore think that we are “special people,” whatever that may mean. We lose our passion. At very few other institutions is there so much emphasis placed on external success and so much judgment reserved for failure. Exeter can be a place of self-discovery and passion, but the existence of Exeter Exceptionalism can often make it appear superficial and empty.Exeter exceptionalism may be an unavoidable part of the Exeter experience, but there are ways we can individually minimize its negative impact. Only when we let go of the notion of being “the best and the brightest” can we grow into our better selves.