Make Yourself Uncomfortable

This summer, we attended a six-week long, entirely free, humanities-oriented summer program called the Telluride Association Summer Program. Unlike many other programs we attended in previous years, we didn't really know what we were getting into, even as we stepped through the front door of the Telluride House. Aside from the unusual titles of the TASP seminars, which included names like "Times Square," "Dark Phrases of Womanhood," and "FOOD," there seemed to be another aspect of the program that was entirely unconventional. We maintained a certain level of confusion regarding the Telluride Association's mission statement: to foster "an everyday synthesis of self-governance and intellectual inquiry that enables students to develop their potential for leadership and public service." In any case, expectations were high going in--one article entitled "Paradise Lost," published in The New Journal, described the program as a "utopia for nerdy, tortured teens who prefer poetry readings to pep rallies." Indeed, having come to the end of the program, we discovered that our six short weeks at TASP instilled a certain sense of idealism: a desire to spread the community-oriented and intellectual ideals of the Telluride Association to Exeter.At first glance, the TASP’s guidelines and regulations seemed familiar—no drugs, no alcohol, no sneaking out past curfew, etc. At the very end of the list, however, a somewhat peculiar line jumps out: “exclusive relationships of any sort are not permitted under any circumstances.” Underneath, the Telluride Association offered their justification for what seemed to be an oppressive rule: “Cliques are damaging to the community, and can be physically and emotionally dangerous.” We weren’t sure what to make of it—did this mean we couldn’t have a best friend? Would the counselors force us to hang out with people we didn’t spend much time with?On the first day of TASP, we learned our speculation was not far from the truth. Our counselors told us to have at least one good conversation with each of the other 31 TASPers within the first week. By week three, when some TASPers used the excuse that it was “natural” for social groups to form, we had a two-hour long discussion about the meaning of “natural” and were forced to sit with people at meal times that we hadn’t interacted much with. As this happened, my pre-TASP skepticism about forced friendships turned into an appreciation for the community the counselors sought to form. Without the counselors' guidance, we would never have formed lasting friendships with people from diverse backgrounds with whom we shared little in common.When we left TASP, we couldn’t help but think of the coming school year and the friendships we’d formed over the last three years. While a school of our size lends itself to the formation of smaller social circles, we were unsettled to realize that the majority of the friendships we’d formed had been through clubs, dorm, sports, and classes. While this isn’t the case for every Exonian, it may be true for most. If someone at Exeter is not in one of these groups with you, it's more likely than not that you won’t really get to know them. This is not necessarily a bad phenomenon—Exeter is all about forming close bonds with people who share your interests and passions. However, with graduating looming less than a year from now, we find it disconcerting to think about the large number of bright, motivated and intellectually curious individuals whom we never got the chance to speak to. And why did this happen? Only because we never bothered to say “hi.” We’re not advocating for Exeter to instate formal sit-down dinners or required social events like other boarding schools. Friendships should be natural, not forced. But this coming school year, we hope to be more conscientious of the relationships that haven’t yet formed. We hope all Exonians do the same.In addition to the culture of community awareness of TASP, we encourage Exonians to adopt a constant commitment to intellectual inquiry beyond the classroom. When we were asked which aspect of TASP we enjoyed the most during our end-of-program reflection, the answer that came up most frequently was this: "Everyone had a broad range of interests and actually cared about the things you had to say." We have to admit that when we first read about the atmosphere of "intellectual inquiry" that defined the TASP community in the program's brochure, we were initially a bit skeptical. Would teenagers like us really be interested in discussing literary theory and quantum mechanics over lunch or during the weekend? During the program, however, we were convinced. Whenever you have a roomful of smart people—the best and the brightest, one might say—the potential for intellectual inquiry always exists. And when such conversations become the norm, they naturally increase in frequency.It's safe to say that we learned more during the conversations we had at TASP with my fellow students than in any formal academic setting we’ve ever been in. An atmosphere of intellectual inquiry not only facilitates the development of interdisciplinary ways of thinking, but also strengthens the sense of community and fosters a sense of non sibi learning. We would go so far as to say that the spirit of intellectual inquiry is a necessary part of any academic community.However, the creation of an atmosphere of intellectual inquiry isn't the responsibility of the faculty; it's up to us, the students. So as we begin the new year, we encourage all students to be open about their interests and bring them to the lunch table, the dorm, and Grill; it's our collective responsibility. It’s not going to be easy to broaden the scope of our conversations and avoid topics like the most attractive Exonians and the easiest teachers. But Exeter is not about doing what is easy. It is about learning and bettering ourselves in the process.So, in the coming year, we encourage you all to really make yourselves uncomfortable. Introduce yourselves to those scary PGs or clueless preps that you would never otherwise have thought to interact with. Don't be afraid to share your intellectual interests with the community. Thirty weeks is a very short time.