Roxane Gay Visits Campus and Receives John and Elizabeth Phillips Award

By EVAN DIERBERG, PHIN GIBBS, ALLEGRA LAI and ROXANE PARK

“Now I’m a writer who has achieved some measure of success because I dared to believe that I had the right, as a queer black woman, to articulate my understanding of the world.”

Roxane Gay, class of ‘92, stood before the Academy on Oct. 27 to accept the annual John and Elizabeth Phillips Award and address the community about her journey from the brick walls of Exeter to her role as a world-class non-fiction and opinion writer.

As described by Principal William Rawson, “The John and Elizabeth Phillips Award recognizes and honors an Exonian each year for service to humanity. The trustees select the honoree upon the recommendation of an Awards Committee of the General Alumni Association led by the officers of the GAA.” The award is named after the cofounders of the Academy and is selected for their demonstration of the Phillips’ values: goodness and knowledge united in noble character and usefulness to mankind.

With an assertive literary voice and clear vision for the future, there is no doubt that Gay embodies these virtues. She is the author of critically acclaimed books such as Bad Feminist (2014) and the memoir Hunger (2017). Her work, which explores the queer, minority, and female experience, comes in the form of fiction and nonfiction, opinion and imagination, and has garnered her the title of a New York Times best-selling author, a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award, a recipient of the Guggenheim Fellowship, and a winner of the Eisner Award for Best Limited Series. Gay is also an opinion writer for The New York Times, the founder of Tiny Hardcore Press, and the editor of her own Gay Mag.

In her acceptance speech, Gay expressed gratitude for her parents, as well as a few of her instructors at the Academy, for believing in her abilities and supporting her to pursue her passion for writing. “I ask myself often why [my parents] chose to send me here. The answer is that they had a vision. They understood the power of possibility and used a school like this to put me in the best position to take advantage of the possibility. They saw what I did not see for decades, honestly. That I have a powerful voice and something to say.”

As is tradition for assembly speakers, Gay held an open Q&A lunch for members of the Exeter community following the assembly. More than twenty students, faculty, and alumni gathered around a Harkness-formation of tables in the Elting Room to attend, as well as Gay’s spouse Debbie Millman, sister-in-law Aide Gay, and parents Michael and Nichole Gay. After a brief introduction of herself and her family members, Gay opened the floor to questions from attendees, and what followed was an illuminative and honest discussion of her time at Exeter, writing process, publications, column writing, idea of activism, and advice to students.

Though Gay shared about her, at times, isolating experience at Exeter in assembly, she noted that Exeter rooted in her a newfound sense of optimism. When asked what the number one lesson that she took away from Exeter English, she thoughtfully replied, “That [my writing] was possible. That I could make my way through the world as a writer.”

She continued, “Most of the time when you’re a writer, people are like, ‘Oh, good luck with that’. And when I was here I was told good luck with that, [but] as if it was really possible. That really helped and gave me a foundation to think of myself as a writer and to have this foolish dream that maybe I could make a living as a writer.”

With a career lasting more than 20 years, Gay was asked about what kept her motivated. Inevitably, success and struggle often come as a pair. “Stubbornness and also just a love of writing,” she responded. “I was constantly faced with moments where I had to really want it more than I hated it. Not the writing part, but the struggle part… It certainly kept me writing and trying and submitting my work and learning how to tolerate rejection, of which there is a lot.”

Despite her decorated resume, the writer revealed that she struggled for the past five years with long-term writer’s block and dissatisfaction with her work, feeling as though it was “good enough” but not indeed her best work. “It doesn’t come as naturally, and I think it’s because I do have this awareness of audience that is a bit frustrating. You start anticipating what different groups of people are going to say, how they’re going to respond to something, and then you get in your own way…I try to overcome it by writing through it, by stepping away, reading for pleasure, and engaging with other forms of art.”

Now, Gay is on a book tour to promote her new book Opinions: A Decade of Arguments, Criticism, and Minding Other People’s Business. Though being on the road and constant city-hopping might be exhausting, there is a tired excitement behind the endless flights and destinations. “It’s really exciting. I get to see the whole world and I don’t have to pay for it. I get to connect with people who like my work, which is awesome because, you know, I’m hearing that you always hear from the people that hate it. And to engage with people that are passionate readers of literature,” she explained.

The conversation encompassed more than simply Gay’s own work and experiences, expanding to her views about the world at large. In particular, Gay spoke to the alarming rise of censorship. Currently her books are banned all over the country, including in states like Iowa and Texas. She emphasized the importance of agency, and said “the best way to [push back] is to run for school boards and run for library boards.” Gay added, “It’s important to know the numbers. 11 people are responsible for about 55% of all the books banned in the country, and we know who these 11 people are. They’re just bad people who have really strange ideas that they should be able to control what other people and other people’s children learn and engage with…So it’s also important to call out what is happening and why it’s happening.”

While Gay expressed that her writing is always for herself, she did also recognize the nature of her audience when a student asked if she felt that her writing had become a form of literary activism. “Is it activism? No,” she answered. “The reason I say that is because activism is activism and activists are really out there on the front line putting their bodies on the line, living their truth. I have activist tendencies and I do write about social justice, but I don’t ever want to diminish the real work of activists by claiming that writing about something is activism. There’s a difference.”

Finally, Gay offered advice to students on how to tackle their time at Exeter, as well as the world they will face beyond. To Gay, the main flaw at institutions like Exeter is a lack of diversity. She noted that superficial diversity, which may seem present on paper, often did not reflect the actual experiences of marginalized students. Gay asserted, “To address this culture, we needed more institutional accountability and efforts to change the school’s social dynamics.”

When asked how students on campus currently a part of marginalized groups can raise their voice and survive the Exeter experience, Gay replied, “I think sometimes the only way forward is through; I wish that there was an easier answer…And this is the second time I’ve been back since I graduated, which should tell you something, like, some alumni are here every other week. No, I don’t need to be here.” She added, “But you have to find your people. And sometimes they may not be in places where you expect, but you do have to find your people because it is your peers–your real peers, not your general peers–that are gonna help you get through.”

Many students were impressed by Gay’s sincere and sophisticated outlook on the world from witnessing her both at the assembly and the Q&A.

Beverly Oleka, an upper and co-head of the Democratic Club, expressed that “She had a lot of things that resonated with me. She just says things as it is and she doesn’t sugarcoat.”

When it came to Gay’s descriptions of the challenges faced by minority groups at the Academy, Oleka agreed. “I felt like honestly she had the same idea I’ve had of Exeter, but she put it into words for me,” she said. “I do think that there’s a lot of things that still need to be fixed. Yes, it’s better than years before, but there’s still definitely a long journey we’re still on to get to where we need to be.”

But similarly to Gay, Oleka also acknowledged that Exeter is not defined by its flaws, and that it is the responsibility of students to stand up for themselves if they would like to see real change made. “I feel like people of color should speak up and say, ‘Hey, I am very grateful. That’s why I’m giving you the explanations of what’s really bothering me, because I cherish this school so much. I want it to continue because it’s an amazing opportunity, so I want it to be better for future generations. That’s why I’m giving you my perspective on how things are going,’” she said.

Senior Ayaan Akhtar noted that it was interesting that “With Roxane Gay, especially when she talked about how [during] her time here she wasn’t really the most outgoing, we now see her as this huge force in social justice and creating change. And even the way she speaks about creating change, both reflected in her writing and her spoken voice, is inspirational, and it leaves me curious to see how people at our time here will end up in the future.”

As part of her visit, Gay also attended a combined class between REL450: Social Ethics and REL592: Introduction to Epistemology. The two religion classes were tasked with reading two of Gay’s pieces for homework, “Tragedy. Call. Compassion. Response,” and the introduction to Opinions, and finding questions and themes within the works as they related to social ethics or epistemology.

Class member and upper Caspar Bailey commented on her presence: “She offered insight into her thought process and the cognitive workings behind her pieces. It was refreshing to have the author whose work we were discussing present, as she invited us to engage her work through her perspective, unlocking an entirely different avenue for our understanding.”

Upper Max Albinson, another student in the class noted, “She allowed us to discuss her topics and perspectives freely while chiming in and giving us a greater lens to her arguments and why she has said opinions.”

Akhtar, another member of the Epistemology class, talked about Gay’s ideas about anger in Opinions. “Sometimes you can’t help but feel angry at things not changing. And that was something she talked about in her piece a lot. It was interesting to talk about how that may or may not be productive in a lens, but also how it’s ingrained, how it’s normal.”

Rawson expanded that “One purpose of [the John and Elizabeth Phillips Award] is to help students to realize their own capacity to make a difference in the world and lead purposeful lives. ” He added, “Every John and Elizabeth Phillips Award recipient once sat in the Assembly Hall as an Exeter student with no more confidence or certainty about the future than any students can have today.”

In the closing of her remarks, Gay noted, “I do all this because thirty-five years ago, my parents had a big, bold vision for myself that started [at Exeter]. I hope all of you have people in your lives who have that kind of imagination, and if you don’t, I hope you can carry that vision for yourself.”