Community Reflects on Happiness

To some Exonians, high stress, competition and a lack of sleep are emblematic of life at the Academy. However, others enjoy the social atmosphere of boarding school and have clear methods of sustaining happiness. Though mental health remains a critical issue for students, many identify themselves as happy.

As part of the student-administered “State of the Eight Schools Association” survey, The Exonian sampled the student body on mental health and happiness. While the majority of Exonians reported themselves to be “Happy” (51 percent) or “Very Happy” (15 percent), they were less optimistic about their peers, identifying only 30 percent of the student body to be “Happy” and 0.4 percent as “Very Happy.” Despite this perception, 81 percent of surveyed students responded that they would send their children to Exeter.

Counselor and Psychology Instructor Christopher Thurber explained that students’ experience may depend on a range of factors. “Phillips Exeter Academy is an immersive and challenging environment, by design,” he said. “The experience can boost or lower students’ moods, depending [on] … temperament, attitude, time management, sleep, exercise, nutrition, social support, substance use and their goodness-of-fit with this community.”

Thurber also cited character strength training as a method of achieving increased happiness. “Students who find ways to engage with the community, applying their pre-existing strengths, are able to find the most happiness on campus,” he said.

Despite these positive aspects, the culture at the Academy also induces stress. “There is a lot of competition between students, and I feel pressure to be better than others. It can be very overwhelming at times,” Sherman* said. “It leads to self-esteem problems that I’ve personally experienced.”

Many students feel that the college admissions process drives unhealthy competition. “Naviance, [a college readiness assessment software], makes you a number,” senior Dhruva Nistane said. “It adds to the culture of comparing yourself to other people.”

Another negative aspect of boarding school for some students is the difficulty of seeking out support from adults after traumatic incidents. One student, who experienced an incident of sexual harassment, felt unable to rely on adults for support. “I feel that the administration should make adults more open to the kids,” Shirley* said. To Shirley, the faculty-student relationship holds an inherent power imbalance, one that makes it difficult to bridge the divide.

Although Exeter provides an abundance of mental health resources, there continues to be a stigma around attending therapy meetings, according to upper David Kim.

Still, according to the survey, there was a clear disparity between the perception of peers’ happiness and the happiness of students themselves. “Perhaps there’s a misperception that, if you’re happy and enjoying yourself, you’re not working enough,” Learning Specialist Jonathan Nydick suggested.

Certain students attributed the disparity to the “suffer culture” at the Academy. Upper Richard Huang felt this culture has contributed to unnecessary stress at the Academy. “I feel like people say that they’re stressed, that they’re overworking themselves,” he said. “I’m not sure where that mentality comes from.”

According to Thurber, the “suffer culture” may be intrinsically linked to adolescence. “Adolescence is a time of accelerated independence, interdependence and self-definition,” he said. “During that process, students sometimes exaggerate their expressions of the challenges they face.”

Other students believe this “suffer culture” to be a way for students to bond. “Because being busy is also something a lot of us deal with, it’s a relatable topic,” upper Annabel Lee said.

For some, this culture is also an indicator of privilege. “Students get extremely upset about minor changes and forget the amount of voice they are given within the community,” said upper Charlotte Kaufmann. “The administration takes students’ desires into very high consideration, but it would be impossible to implement every students’ wishes.”

However, others saw the complaint culture as based, at least somewhat, on valid issues. “I think [privilege and legitimate concerns] are not mutually exclusive; complaining is completely natural, and we do it in a certain capacity regardless of where we are,” upper Blane Zhu said. “Still, a lot of complaints I hear are about surface level things, such as being hungry or getting a bad grade.” Zhu believed that students still view the Academy in a positive light.

Although stress is certainly a part of life at the Academy, it has not deterred students from wanting to send their future children to Exeter. “Exeter is the best thing that’s happened to me. I would send my kids here because the difficulties I’ve faced have made me better. They’ve made me stronger,” lower William Vietor said. “If they’re up to it, I want my kids to experience that too.”

*Asterisks denote name change to preserve anonymity