Day Student Parents Provide Dinners for Boarders

Day student families have been hosting potluck dinners this month for boarders as a part of Barbara Shaw (P’22)’s new initiative to help Exonians de-stress from their busy academic schedules.

After reading an Exonian article in September 2018 about the prevalence of anxiety and stress on campus, Shaw researched ways to address this problem and reached out to Dean of Student Health and Wellness William Coole. “He said the key is to get [students] out of the campus—you have to decompress the stress no matter for how long or how far away,” Shaw said. Shaw subsequently contemplated the value of offering boarders a comfortable and relaxed home environment in the form of “potluck dinners.”

Shaw’s son, prep Jack Archer, readily embraced the initiative, viewing them as excellent opportunities for boarding and day students to socialize and be “normal” teenagers. “I wanted to give them the opportunity to take a break from the rush of Exeter life and just chill,” Archer said.

For boarders who attended pilot potlucks, Shaw’s project proved to be a success. “We started with a couple of my son’s friends. I made my signature dish, and they loved it,” Shaw said. “We … then [invited] another three, and then [for] the last one, we invited his entire floor in Wentworth Hall during Chinese New Year. Everyone who came wanted to come again.”

However, encouraging students to sacrifice potential school obligations to go to a day student’s home for a night of food, fun and family is sometimes difficult. As Archer recalled from his own experience of hosting his fellow boarding friends, his friends were initially uncertain about coming because of the perceived time crunch. “They felt it would make them more stressed,” he said.

In the end, Archer’s boarding friends attended the potluck and felt happier afterward. “They came back to school with new energy,” Archer said.

Other day students who took the initiative to host dinner for their fellow boarding friends agreed. Prep Kate Mautz shared her experience of bringing boarding friends home for a night over. “It was so fun. They were dying to get off campus and actually go to a home,” Mautz said. “I think the feeling of being somewhere bigger than their dorm rooms excited them. They also got a home cooked meal, which they loved after eating at Elm for so long.”

Similarly, invited boarding students were appreciative of the welcoming environment of day student families. “Having the chance to be in a very family-like, cozy atmosphere was also something that helped me relax and unwind for a bit,” prep Shalom Headly said. “It reminded me of Harry Potter when Harry goes in [and] meets Ron’s family for the first time.

Headly enthusiastically expressed his support for the initiative. “I would love to do it again, and I think this is an experience that all boarding students should have,” he said.

Lower Adith Reddi agreed with Headly, expressing how the potluck made him feel more connected not just to other Exonians but the local Exeter community. “I definitely thought it was helpful going off campus because Exeter can feel isolated sometimes,” Reddi said. “Especially when you have tests or other major assessments the next day, going to a peer’s house might help take your mind off things and come back feeling refreshed.”

Lower Matthew Chen expressed that the initiative will positively impact student mental health by allowing Exonians to have fun and feel more supported by their peers. “It’s a great opportunity for people to get to know each other better and to enjoy each others’ company, and just being around your friends in a stress-free environment pays dividends to one’s mental health, whether you notice it or not,” Chen said.