College Climate Cultivates Calm Competitiveness
With cold, snowy weather looming and assignments piling up, winter term can be a time of stress for many Exonians. For seniors, early application results and regular application deadlines only add another layer of pressure and worry during winter term.
In an email sent out to all seniors in December, the College Counseling Office (CCO) commended them for a “job well done” and reminded the Class of 2018 to be proud of their achievements, essays, test scores and applications. “Many colleges reported having a record number of early applications, with ‘exceptional students’ in the applicant pool. Admissions readers described making ‘painful decisions,’ because ‘so many deserve to be admitted!’” the email read.
Although the widespread usage of social media has made information about college decisions much easier to access, unwritten social rules have kept the subject taboo. However, many in the class of 2018 would agree that their peers were much more open about discussing this topic than previous graduating classes.
Senior Emilio Karakey said he was transparent with others about his college decision. “Most of my friends and anyone who asked knew. If it came up in conversation, I mentioned it,” Karakey said. Because his college matriculation was such a big life decision, Karakey wanted his friends to know.
“If I do say a school and then not get admitted, I don’t want people to think my dreams are crushed.”
Similarly, senior Wendi Yan agreed that it was completely fine to share one’s college decisions, though she mentioned how many friends seemed uncomfortable upon hearing that someone got deferred or rejected. “I didn’t really get that upset because I ended up not liking the college I applied ED to that much, so when I told people the news it was harder for them to take it,” Yan said. “They didn’t know how to react and talk about what was supposed to be my ‘bad’ news.”
On the other hand, some seniors chose to remain “tight-lipped” about college applications. Senior Grace Gasper explained that she personally planned on sharing her final decision in the spring. “If I do say a school and then not get admitted, I don’t want people to think my dreams are crushed,” she said.
As a new upper, Gasper admitted that she did not at first understand why college decisions should be such a sensitive issue. “The whole idea of how asking seniors where they are going is taboo was really strange for me. I asked the seniors in my math class where they were going to college, and they all just stared at me and then acted like it was a forbidden topic.”
Some students expressed frustration as they dissected why their peers got in or not. Senior Katie Lee mentioned rumors that students had created spreadsheets to record schools their peers had applied to. “At one time, it comes to a point where all you could discuss with friends was the credentials of other people and where everyone was applying. I found that very toxic,” she said.
Senior Andrew Hong shared a similar sentiment. “As [with] most years, I’d say the attitudes that most students have, and with good reason, is that the college admissions process is often unfair and sometimes even arbitrary,” Hong said. “We know that all our peers have worked hard for their past three to four years in high school, and while seeing the weight lift from some friends is great, watching as some get denied hurts me.”
Others took note of their peers’ disappointments. “The first acceptance I heard about, I was really excited. As more started to come out I realized how skewed it was; people who were expecting to go to certain places did not get in and other people did,” senior Ellie Locke said. “There were certain factors out of your control.”
While some resented the encroachment on privacy, others embraced their friends’ curiosity because it showed that they cared. “I think it’s fantastic that we know the results of our friends,” Karakey said. “I care about them. I want them to go far in life, and knowing what college they end up in is part of that process. Also, if an Exonian is feeling down on [themselves] because of a rejection, it might be a comfort to know that many of their friends got rejected as well.”
In their email, the CCO asked seniors to keep in mind the delicate nature of the subject and to remain respectful and kind in their dialogue about college decisions. “As this can be an emotional time for students, we ask that you be sensitive to your classmates,” the email said. “In the spirit of non-sibi, we hope that seniors will be supportive of one another and that those who are pleased with the outcome of their admissions process will be aware of the feelings of those who are feeling disappointed.”
Many seniors believed the class’ approach to college applications and decisions followed this advice and was relatively “healthy.” “We’re a class of relaxed people,” said senior Alice Little. “I haven’t met anyone who was very uptight or competitive about it.” She described it as a “team atmosphere” and said that she had no problem with letting friends peer-edit her application essays and vice versa. “We all wanted each other to get where we wanted to go,” Little said.
Similarly, seniors in Yan’s dorm, Dunbar Hall, also helped each other out with college essays. She even noted that the atmosphere at Exeter was less stressful than the one at her public school in Beijing. “I feel very grateful to be at Exeter while doing college apps. My friends have time to talk to me,” she said. “We read books together or go to meditations and value each other for many things whereas back home college was what people lived for during their high school years.”
Some lowerclassmen aren’t especially interested or knowledgeable about the college counseling process. “As a prep, I haven’t heard that much about college counseling except for the snippets of information that I’ve heard from my upperclassmen friends,” said prep Philip Horrigan. “But even that hasn’t really helped because I don’t really know much about college applications.”
Yet for uppers who will have to go through the process soon, some seniors hope that their class is more open about the process. “We should keep it healthier for the classes below us; adults aren’t really talking about it, it’s the students who are doing it,” Little said. “We should let them live their lives and not put our stresses onto them.”
Wei-Ling Woo, instructor in English, graduated from Exeter nearly a decade ago. Looking back on her experience, she commented, “I think there has always been pressure on Exonians to get into Ivy League schools, but I’m sure that the pressure mounts every year because acceptance rates are going down, so the stakes are higher, and college admissions are getting more competitive.” Woo added that she did not recall publicizing her college acceptances widely. “I also don’t remember talking about other people’s college acceptances that much,” she said.
Other alumni also commented on the general trend of college season becoming more and more tense. Michael McCarthy ’67 said, “Because of the good relationship between the Exeter office and the many admissions offices at the Ivy League and Little Ivies, Exeter was able to place its seniors at some of the best eastern colleges and leading institutions across the country. I graduated in the bottom third of the class but was accepted at Penn and Georgetown because of Exeter’s reputation.”
Alumna and George Bennett Fellow Mairead Small Staid felt that her experience with college admissions, while taxing, did not carry the same weight as it does in the current day, especially with the presence of social media. “Facebook came out the year after I graduated, so there wasn’t any social media where people would [share] their success, unlike now,” Staid said. “Of course, there was a lot of tension because people were making the most important decision of their life up to that point, but looking back in hindsight I think college, though important, did not make up an essential part of my individuality.”
In contrast, Minh Nguyen ’16 recalled an Exeter that was very stressful around the time of college decisions. “Often people will make judgements on whether someone deserved it or not, and who got screwed or got lucky,” Nguyen said.
The CCO urged seniors to keep a broad perspective regarding their early acceptances or rejections. “In the end, the college process is only one aspect of your life,” the email read. “We (your counselors, your teachers, your staff and your parents) are all confident that you will be successful wherever you go to college.”
With Exeter’s unique culture in regards to college admissions, Karakey hopes that students come to a greater understanding of this process. “The college process is something that everyone in this school goes through. It’s tiring, difficult and a bit stressful at times, but it’s important that we understand how universal it is,” he said.