Downsides of Exeter Dorm Teas Discussed

As the sun comes out, the grass turns green and the trees begin to flower, Exeter’s annual dorm tea season commences and Exonians dress up in colorful floral dresses, pastel shorts and dapper blazers, crowding the Exeter quads to celebrate the end of another school year with their dorm mates and friends.

“I don’t think there’s enough money to pay for all that I want the tea to be.”

Every spring, with only a couple weeks of school left, several dorms host “teas” or relaxed parties that allow dorm members to invite dates, dress up, take photographs, eat hor d’oeuvres, play games and unwind on a Sunday afternoon.

Though many students love these annual activities, some may feel pressured to find dates. “I definitely feel like there is a pressure to bring a date, more in girls’ dorms than guys’ dorms,” upper and Dunbar proctor Chloe Scocimara said. “Guys are fine with ‘oh yeah, bromance!’ but girls are more thinking ‘I need to bring a date, and they need to be hot.’”

Senior and proctor in Langdell Hall Alison Dowski echoed Scocimara’s sentiment, saying that she has seen this pressure in action, but that it may be lessening over time. “I guess the only thing I dislike about tea is I think there’s a lot of pressure to actually bring a date-date,” she said. “I think this is getting better as we enforce the fact that you don’t actually need to be interested in the person you’re going with, and it’s not a very big deal to go with just a friend.”

For others, there is more than one pressure at play. In the opinion of upper Vinny Kurup, the boys who are asking girls may feel insecure, and the girls may also feel insecure about saying no. For him, each and every situation is different, but can be resolved if the parties involved are as cordial as possible.

“I think as long as that’s done respectfully in both situations… As long as the guy isn’t going into the situation a hundred percent expecting it, and as long as the girl won’t go into it thinking she’ll be brutally mean to the guy, I personally think it’s fine,” he said.

Students also face the potential predicament of how to dress: some have felt the pressure to spend lots of money on outfits. When Dowski was a prep, she felt expected to buy a new dress for the affair. “I think definitely in my prep year, I thought I had to buy a dress for the occasion, and had to have it look nice and all of that, but as I’ve gone through the years I realized I can just go to a friend and take a dress from them for the day,” she said.

Like Dowski, many tea-goers have learned over the years that borrowing an outfit is the easiest way to wear something new at the event. “The nice thing about being in boarding school is you can just borrow a dress from any of your friends, because someone is bound to have one. I don’t think there is a pressure to buy a dress,” Scocimara said.

Prep Sophia Chang added that many of her friends use tea season as a good justification for buying something new. “I think for most of my friends there isn’t that big of a pressure,” she said. “But I do know some people who feel like they should buy a nice dress for the occasion.”

Lower Tara Weil feels that the culture surrounding dorm teas emphasizes photography of the event too much and genuine interaction between guests too little. “Everyone buys all these new tea dresses for a reason: the photograph opportunity. People are so busy trying to take good pictures to post on social media, update profiles or send to their relatives that they don’t actually talk with each other,” she said. “I have all these picture of last year’s Bancroft Tea, but I don’t really remember what happened at the tea besides trying to capture these mementoes of the tea.”

When the occasion finally comes around, much of the date and dress pressures are forgotten. Each tea has a theme, and new dorm proctors step up to organize decoration, set out an assortment of food, oversee the details of the event and send out invitations to the guests.

Upper Vivi Kraus, a new proctor in Bancroft Hall, is excited to plan for Bancroft’s beach-themed tea and hopes that the preparation for the tea will be as much of a dorm bonding experience as the tea itself.

“There’s a lot to do behind-the-scenes in order to set up teas, like coming up with decor ideas, buying supplies and ingredients and sending out personal invites for plus ones’ P.O. boxes,” she said. “I’m really looking forward to see the work pay off. Croftettes are required to work a shift to either prepare or clean up the event, which I think will be an opportunity for us to talk and catch up with each other.”

However, Kraus is concerned that the dorm’s allotted budget for hosting the tea is too small to meet her planned expenses. “I don’t think there’s enough money to pay for all that I want the tea to be,” she said. “I will definitely have to spend some of my own money, but I think it will be worth it if the event can be fun and memorable.”

Prep Audrey Vanderslice enjoyed her first tea experience at Wheelwright Tea a couple of weeks ago. “My favorite part of Exeter is the people, and the thing I like the most about my dorm is the people, and so teas are a time to spend with all of them, and whoever was invited by them,” she said. “I thought it was really fun to be able to do that.”