Students See Changes in Hookup Culture
As a result of media coverage of recent sexual misconduct and assault cases at Exeter, some students have perceived increased stringency in school policy. Subsequent community conversations have also led to a perceived shift in the campus hookup culture this year, prompting uncertainty and tension surrounding sexual activity.
Lower Hanna Pak felt that the change in Exeter’s sexual climate came largely as a result of the events that transpired over the summer, especially “because they were very personal to a lot of people.” According to Pak, the cases revealed in The Globe articles made sexual assault relevant to the study body in a way that Assembly speakers and other educators, or even events at peer institutions, had not been able to yet. She noted a greater awareness of the importance of consent and comfortability in sexual situations.
Since the start of the school year, the Academy has worked to educate students about New Hampshire reporting laws, the legal definitions of sexual assault and harassment, the age of consent and the definition of consent. In addition to ongoing conversations about sex, sexuality and sexual misconduct, students are responding to the school’s revisions to the E-Book, administrative additions and educational programming.
"Sexual assault happens everywhere but, when it is seen so much closer to your community, I think that sadly only then do people realize the impact of it."
Interim co-Director of Student Well-being Tina Sciocchetti explained that hooking up is often “something that doesn’t mean very much between the participants beyond the physical acts” and the result can be non-reciprocal, unfulfilling and even abusive, as it does not lend itself to clear and honest communication or a deep level of trust.
In the past, students have acknowledged the existence of a pervasive and often unhealthy hookup culture at Exeter. The student body as a whole has become much more conscious of laws regarding the age of consent and what constitutes sexual assault and harassment. In turn, this has affected some students’ willingness to engage in sexual activity, especially if they themselves or the other parties involved are under the age of 16.
Most students described a perceived increase in campus-wide understanding of the New Hampshire State law dictating that people under the age of 16 cannot consent to sex. Upper Teddy Scott said that “people are slightly more cognizant when it comes to getting explicit consent rather than assuming willingness.” Likewise, upper Lauren Maguire recalled that during her prep year, there were more hookups between preps and postgraduates or seniors. However, she has not heard of any in the past two years. “People seem to be slightly more conscious of age than in previous years,” she concluded.
Upper Auden Barbour noticed this greater awareness as well, and did not think that students should be punished for consensual sex if they are under 16. “I know that’s the law, but I still disagree with it,” she said. However, Barbour did agree that “age differences are being taken more seriously now, since there has been so much emphasis on consent.”
Similarly, upper Jacqueline Byrne said that people are “more aware of how important it is to be cautious of age differences. [T]he assault cases have really woken up the campus to the reality of what we are living … Sexual assault happens everywhere but, when it is seen so much closer to your community, I think that sadly only then do people realize the impact of it,” Byrne added.
Though most students agreed that there has been a heightened awareness surrounding consent, not all felt that this had translated into a general unwillingness to hook up. Senior Abigail Africa said she has not noticed any extra hesitancies in the hookup culture. Similarly, Pak suggested that people are not more hesitant to hook up, but instead are “gaining a better understanding of how to do it without perpetuating a negative sexual climate.”
However, others distinctly felt that the shift in sexual culture has led to a general fear of hooking up on campus. Upper Auden Barbour expressed dismay at the “unnecessary fear around the hookup culture” created by both recent sexual misconduct cases. Though she recognized that people should be “careful and respectful,” she thinks that the fear has “gone too far.” According to Barbour, “people are definitely less willing to hook up,” and specifically, “guys are overly afraid now.”
This rang true for upper Joseph Bridges who added that, “at least on the boys’ side, people are way more scared to hook up.” He said, “It’s really pretty scary because from our perspective it seems like we can just get tossed so easily.”
Scott also acknowledged a general atmosphere of “treating guys like predators,” which he thinks strains healthy exploration. Barbour, too, found fault in this perceived approach because it focuses more on blaming boys than teaching girls that they have a voice. “Girls shouldn’t have to say no to a guy more than once, but they’re going to have to, whether they shouldn’t or not, so it’s important for them to learn how to say no louder,” she said.
In Barbour’s opinion, not only is “everybody against guys now,” but male students are much more likely to be punished in cases of alleged sexual misconduct. Noting that the administration has fallen under fire for reportedly failing to take adequate action in previous misconduct cases, Barbour felt that its response has been to adopt an “extreme” approach on the opposite end of the spectrum.
“Anything that involves any sort of sexual activity is going to be taken way more seriously than it has in the past due to the negative media attention that the school is getting and I think that is going to result in boys being punished more than they would for things that in some cases shouldn’t be punished all that severely,” she explained.
Likewise, Scott predicted that, simply because the administration is “terrified about how they are perceived,” punishments could be “Draconian.” From his perspective, “the school is pandering to panicked individuals and making changes which in fact have little effect on the more important issues.”
The school took measures last year such as turning on lights at Evening Prayer, moving the first dance of the year to later in the term, cancelling the final dance of the year and bringing “SLUT: The Play” to campus as a way to stimulate conversation and encourage healthier relationships.
Upper Aiden Roberts believed that these changes are “backwards and unrealistic solution[s].” He added that “by taking away safe and moderated spaces for teen affection to happen, the school is essentially encouraging the behavior in other, less safe situations.”
Pak agreed, and described these measures as “the wrong approach.” For her, they demonstrate a “lack of trust from the school.” However, she and Byrne both emphasized their support for the school’s commitment to educating students about sexual assault and consent. “I think the information and clarification about consent at dances is crucial,” Byrne noted, adding that she hopes these efforts will continue.
Roberts, however, felt that while the increased tension on campus and the “heightening of regulation” has made students far more aware of consent and sexual assault, it has been for “the wrong reasons.” To him, “the sexual climate now feels repressed.”
Nevertheless, Sciocchetti noted that, despite any perceived change, a hookup culture will persist. Hooking up, she said, “is something students discuss and it is undoubtedly taking place.”
Barbour, however, felt that the recent changes in culture will “hinder the natural exploration of teenagers.” She drew attention to the importance of sexual experimentation during adolescence, saying “it’s normal for teenagers to want to hook up and try different things.” She feels that now this natural process is being discouraged.
Scott offered an opposing opinion. He said that “students will always find ways to explore their own bodies.” According to him, “rules will always be broken by people and illegal visitations will always happen.” Though he suspected that the sexual climate will remain “a little strained” because of the increased awareness and tension on campus, he thought it will ultimately be “much healthier in general.”