Pierce Discusses Sexual Culture
Sexual educator Cindy Pierce spoke with Exonians about how to cultivate open conversations about sex during assembly on Tuesday and in other talks throughout the day and evening. She brought humor and frankness to the difficult subject, while aiming to educate the community about possible negative side effects of a hookup culture.
Pierce is the author of “Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World.” Her second book, “Sex, College and Social Media: A Common Sense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture”, is coming out this week. She has also worked as a teacher, ski coach and comedian.
Religion Instructor and Assembly speaker coordinator Kathy Brownback also applauded Pierce’s ability to keep things light while acknowledging the importance of the topic. “Her sense of humor is so welcome, but underneath it she is deadly serious about an all-important subject,” Brownback said. “I think she offers us a way to start to change the sexual culture on campus.”
For the past 12 years, Pierce has done extensive research on college campuses, striving to understand the sexual culture of today’s generation. She has interacted extensively with fraternities and sororities at Dartmouth College, which is near her home in Hanover, New Hampshire. She has also spoken frequently on college campuses about sexuality and sexual culture.
“Social and sexual comfort is a lifelong process. You need to get yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.”
Dean of Residential Life AJ Cosgrove said that over the summer a group of Exeter deans and health educators attended a conference at St. Paul’s School and saw Pierce speak as one of the featured researchers. They all came away feeling that Pierce’s message and manner would resonate well with Exeter students. “Collectively, we felt that her ability to deliver a message about the hookup culture, teenage sex and sexual assault would be effective with our students,” he said.
Brownback, who was integral to bringing Pierce to Exeter, explained that Pierce was among five other authors under consideration to address today’s sexual culture and how to improve it. She stood out to the faculty as an open and knowledgeable woman who would be ready to tackle the job. “When she and I talked, I instantly felt she’d be great here,” Brownback said. Pierce came to Exeter to educate faculty during faculty week before the start of school on Aug. 31. Pierce’s student assembly on Tuesday ran for the full 50 minute block, as opposed to the typical 35 minutes allotted for assembly. With a mix of humour and sensitivity, Pierce addressed the new challenges that the younger generation faces as they navigate social media, pornography and hookup culture, on top of the already murky realms of sexuality.
Lower Gordon Chi appreciated Pierce’s delivery of the talk, finding it enlightening and amusing. “I thought it was eye-opening in terms of understanding teenage tendencies, whilst also being a good blend of humour and seriousness,” he said. Cosgrove agreed. “Ms. Pierce has a unique ability to communicate in an engaging way with students,” he said. “She is honest, relevant and her message is based on research.”
Pierce covered extensive ground, discussing topics ranging from nude pictures to derogatory words such as “slut,” “prude,” “gay” and “fag,” to the true definition of sexual liberation.
She also spoke about affirmative consent: the affirmative, voluntary and conscious agreement to engage in sexual activity every step of the way. She advocated for a culture of respect, intervention and a willingness to call people out on their misogyny or bigotry. It’s a start, she said, to preventing sexual assault.
Pierce explained that a willingness to speak openly is a skill that can and should be applied to sexual interactions as well as social ones. “Social and sexual comfort is a lifelong process. You need to get yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable,” she said.
Lower Aaron Willard commended Pierce’s manner, which he thought made the difficult material more approachable. “The subject matter was more intense, but she talked about it in such a way that it didn’t really make the situation seem as terrifying,” he said. “She made it seem like something that was easy to openly talk about.”
Willard supported the message of open communication that Pierce encouraged. “Right now in our society we have a problem with communication,” he said. “[Pierce] was just really animated and really enthusiastic about what she was talking about, [and] while it’s a serious issue, she created an atmosphere that was helpful in discussing the reality of the situation.”
At an open lunch in the Latin study, Pierce answered questions about self love, positive versus negative pornography and how to engage healthily with social media. She recommended periodic social media detoxes and encouraged Exonians to put their phones down occasionally and engage with each other face to face. She spoke again about sexual liberation and the importance, especially for girls, of familiarizing oneself with one’s body.
Brownback commended the way in which Pierce drew her audiences in at Assembly and at lunch. “She has a wonderful ability to connect on a topic—sex—that most people aren’t sure how to talk about, or avoid completely,” she said. “She just puts it out there.”
At her evening talk, which student listeners, proctors and team captains were required to attend, Pierce delved even more deeply into the specifics of sexuality and sexual culture. Again, she encouraged outspokenness and attention to listening to others. “You want to celebrate people speaking their minds in all situations,” she said.
She spoke about what Exonians can do to strengthen the culture on campus, explaining what problematic bystander behavior looked like and speaking about the intentional vagueness of the term “hooking up.” She also addressed the connection between seemingly small micro aggressions or moments of misogyny with sexual assault. “Addressing sexual harassment reduces sexual assault,” she said.
According to Cosgrove, Pierce openly advocated for a number of important changes. “Ms. Pierce’s frank assessment of an entitled culture that contributes to peer pressure and in worst case scenarios sexual assault was important for everyone to hear and to discuss,” he said.
To conclude Pierce’s busy Tuesday, which also included meeting with several classes and speaking with smaller student groups, Pierce attended Evening Prayer at Phillips Church and spoke to girls in Dunbar Hall from between 10 and 11 p.m., answering specific questions about how to navigate Exeter’s sexual culture.
Kraus expressed gratitude for Pierce’s words and the warm atmosphere she established to ask questions in.
“What’s unique about her is her ability to articulate this wisdom in a light-hearted, matter of fact way that we can understand and relate to,” Kraus said. “I think the topics she covered were things every girl needs to hear early on.”
Brownback expressed hope that Pierce’s extensive interaction with students throughout the day will have opened some eyes to productive ways in which progress can be made on campus.
Cosgrove echoed this sentiment. “I personally hope that Ms. Pierce’s message begins to shift the culture that values or creates a perceived value on the hookup culture,” he said. “Her message about students wanting to be in healthy relationships with one another, communicate with one another more honestly and to understand one another is critical to building a culture where people are treated with respect.”