CCO Calls for Respectful Emails

As fall term progresses, seniors across campus will buckle down for their last big slog: applying to college. As they go through the process, they will be guided by a team of college counselors who have worked with them since upper year.

Unlike other faculty members at Exeter, counselors do not take the summer off. The College Counseling Office (CCO) encouraged seniors to work as much on applications as they could over the summer, so that they could have time to focus on their classwork and enjoy senior year when they returned to Exeter. As they work, students communicate frequently with their counselor to ask questions as well as share drafts of their essays and copies of their completed applications.

In a recent all-senior CCO meeting, Director of College Counseling Betsy Dolan reminded the students to be respectful in their communications with each other and with their counselors. Dolan explained that she made the comment after she and other college counselors observed unkind and inappropriate behavior between students and their counselors last year and over the summer. “I asked seniors to be respectful and responsible in how they communicate with one another,” she said. “With adults too, but most importantly to each other.” Dolan continued that she has high expectations for the Exonians she works with. “Students can do better, must do better,” she said.

“I asked seniors to be respectful and responsible in how they communicate with one another. With adults too, but most importantly to each other.”

According to senior Bonnie LaBonté, Dolan explained to the class of 2017 that when text or email is being employed as a means for communication, things can be easily misconstrued. “It’s a high stress situation so they wanted to make sure that the communication is positive and clear,” she said. “There can be so much miscommunication between text and email. Sometimes it can wait for your meeting instead of sending a pressing email.”

She acknowledged her own propensity to misinterpret messages, but added that the college counseling office had been patient with her confusions. “Sometimes I misread emails, but I find that they [the CCO] are really understanding and really open to help,” she said.

Historically, autumn has been a notoriously tense time for seniors as they wait to hear back from colleges they have applied early to, but this problem has yet to manifest too extremely, according to seniors.

Though LaBonté reported a few awkward interactions surrounding college conversations, she explained that she has yet to note any real hostility. “I think right now because it’s so early in the game, there’s really nothing to be competitive about because it’s such an open door,” she said. “Maybe that will rise as acceptances go up, but I hope it doesn’t.”

Senior Daniela Nemirovsky conceded that a few students behave more intensely about the college process than she would wish. “When it comes down to it, the whole senior class every year is kind of competing against each other,” she said. “Every year there’s some people who have to know everything about everyone’s applications, and I think that’s kind of tough because a lot of people want to keep that private.”

Senior Abigail Africa agreed with Nemirovsky and encouraged her classmates to avoid measuring their self worth in terms of the college they end up attending. “It’s important to remember that your own value—or anyone else in this community’s value, for that matter—is not defined by a college acceptance or rejection,” she said. Following in this vein, LaBonté expressed hope that seniors will take Dolan’s message to heart in all aspects of their interactions with people. “Their big message was: Let’s keep it clear and let’s keep it positive,” she said. “In all aspects of your life this is a good skill.”

However, some students and their parents, had less satisfactory experiences. The mother of one of last year’s seniors expressed frustration with the CCO’s lack of involvement as her daughter applied for college. “We were disappointed with the lack of guidance when it came to checking the applications and offering to edit essays,” the mother said. She went on to explain that she and her husband ended up having to help more with the applications than they expected to. They had expected the CCO to review their daughter’s documents and essays and offer constructive criticism, as well as acting as a “sounding board” whenever their daughter needed help. “We had to be a lot more involved than we wanted because the College Counseling Office wasn’t doing what we thought they would do,” she said.

Nemirovsky saw things differently, but acknowledged that due to the CCO’s busy schedules, students who seek help need to ask for it explicitly. “How much support you get is dependant on how much support you ask for,” she said. “So if you don’t reach out to ask for help editing your essays or applying or whatever else you might need, you’re not going to get it, because there are a lot of students here.”

Dolan described the inevitable challenges that do crop up in the autumn, explaining that some students and their parents choose to take advice from others over their college counselor’s advice. “There are many challenges at this time of year, particularly when it comes to our advice about college lists and essays,” she said. “The College Counseling team has many years of experience working with Exonians and colleges; no one has more information about the Exeter college admissions process experience than the college counselors who are in it.”

Dolan acknowledged that the CCO’s advice can be occasionally misinterpreted as unsupportive because it can counter the ambitions of a student or parent. “It would be irresponsible of the college counselor not to share their professional advice,” she said. “Even if it didn’t align perfectly with the expectations of a student or parent.”

However, according to Dolan, the fulfillment of the job well outweighs the difficulties. “We wouldn’t be in this job if we didn’t enjoy working with students,” she said. “Exonians are interesting people, offering unique perspectives that make our work together fascinating. Most of us have been at Exeter for a long time in large part because of its students.”

Nemirovsky also pointed out the incredible task that the CCO faces each year: to help every student feel that they will attend a college that fits them. “I don’t have any ways that I think [the CCO] could be better,” Nemirovsky said. “I think they have a commitment to do the best they can for every student.”