Farewell, PEA: Gary Writes to Phillips Exeter
As I sit at my laptop to write this brief note of farewell, it is Memorial Day, raining, and my home is a labyrinth of boxes and re-arranged furniture. In the quiet, 14 accumulated years of memories scroll through my mind, some generating laughter, others pride, but most humility.
The one hilarious moment that I will certainly never live down is when I did not know who Jimmy Buffett was when he appeared on the visitors list. Boy did I catch a lot of grief from my staff; even to this day my staff will reference the seemingly large rock I live under when I don’t know someone famous coming through. In my defense though, how many inner city kids grow up listening to Jimmy Buffett songs? Had I, I probably would not have been at the Academy because I would not have survived my neighborhood. I know about Jimmy Buffett now and feel a little more American and cultured, sort of.
The other memorable moments I call Exeter moments because they demonstrated our community at our best. The first one is when the colleagues and students rallied around welcoming and embracing an Afghan student who enrolled after having her education interrupted for five years under the Taliban. We met in Maine at SEEDS of Peace where I interviewed her. The interview was most unusual. I deviated from my usual set of questions as I listened to her remarkable story. While listening, I quickly surmised I was sitting in front of a modern day Harriet Tubman. During the five years her formal education was disrupted, she was secretly educating girls in her village at great risk to herself, her family and the families of the other girls. I thought: What courage! What an Exeter kid! Department chairs and the scheduler worked feats only Houdini could manage to put together an appropriate set of courses for her as a repeat upper. I welled up when I saw her Dunbar roommate teaching her to ride a bike, an activity that is considered an act of defiance for a woman in her country. She has since graduated from Wellesley College, worked as an advocacy manager for Woman for Afghan Women, married and now lives in Germany.
Another Exeter moment was when the Academy supported my going to Houston after Hurricane Katrina with a handful of full scholarships. Houston was overwhelmed by displaced victims seeking refuge. The horrific conditions that flashed across our television screens propelled many into action. Many alumni, current families and colleagues were behind our effort of identifying interested candidates. I met and interviewed several at a hotel that was temporary shelter for many displaced families. I also interviewed a few via telephone who couldn’t leave New Orleans. Five candidates emerged from the process. When we finally got our five new students to campus, we were already three weeks into the first term. Remembering that Assembly when the five new students were introduced and everyone assembled stood up and applauded, I welled up (like I am now as I recount that moment); the standing ovation was long, sincere and electric!
My third Exeter moment was when I received a timely call from an oncologist who is an Andover graduate at a hospital in Northern California telling me about a patient of hers whose dream it was to attend Phillips Exeter Academy. The doctor asked if there was a way for her patient to have an interview sooner rather than later since she did not know how much longer her patient had to live. I say her call was timely because I had a flight booked to California already, so I re-arranged my schedule to visit Miriam and interview her at her bedside. She had taken the SSAT while in pain weeks before she was diagnosed with cancer. She learned about the Academy from the Internet. I learned she read a book a week and was a member of the accelerated eighth grade math class; but, what I remembered most was the pain she fought through to show me her best self. That’s all I needed to see, so I curtailed the interview so she could rest and I could talk to her parents and the doctor. Overwhelmed, I walked quickly to my rental car fighting hard to not let my emotions spill out before I reached the car. I can’t remember the last time I cried so long and so hard. She displayed so much strength and courage. So, I was thrilled when the admissions committee admitted Miriam and equally thrilled when she accepted our offer of admission via email with a picture of herself wearing an Exeter sweatshirt saying yes. Miriam never got the chance to visit Exeter. She succumbed to cancer that August just before Labor Day. I was proud of The Exonian Board for dedicating the first issue of the newspaper that academic year to Miriam.
If you’ve ever attended any of my road shows you remember hearing me say an Exeter education can be transformative. Just ask any student who is receiving his diploma this morning. I would like to add that working at the Academy can be transformative, too. I will cherish forever the many Exeter moments I was afforded during my 14-year tenure. I will miss my staff dearly in Bissell House and in Davis who is as fixated as I on fulfilling John Phillips’ ideal of attracting youth from every quarter. Together, we processed over 35,000 applications, enrolled over 4,600 students, and awarded over 210 million dollars in need based aid. I got the chance to visit parts of the world I knew only previously through movies—Shanghai, Beijing, Bangkok, Sao Paolo—and the evening news—Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City—to name a few. Now, I have close family friends in these parts of the world, thanks to Exeter.
As I head to Philadelphia to become Head of School at Friends Select, I will take with me many lessons learned from interviewing, reading applications, advising, working collaboratively, witnessing great talent in sport and on stage, beholding the magnificent growth that occurs in students over time. However, I will miss notifying the boys in Wentworth that G Unit is on duty and teaching them how to tie a bow-tie. I will miss Exeter/Andover in the fall. But, let’s not let distance make us strangers. If you’re in Philadelphia, please visit me.
Forever connected to you,
Michael Gary
Former Director of Admissions
Phillips Exeter Academy