Back in Black Dance Sparks PEA Dialogue

In the days leading up to Dunbar’s annual Back in Black dance this past Saturday, flyers posted in heavily trafficked areas of the school read, “Want to dance? Ask first.” The posters confronted the issue of consent at Exeter dances, a topic widely discussed on campus in the aftermath of the Owen Labrie rape case at St. Paul’s School.

In the past, the dance has always been hosted the first Saturday of the year. Assistant Student Activities Director Kelly McGahie said that despite popular perception on campus, the dance was not moved due to the St. Paul’s case. McGahie explained that the change had been planned since May of the previous school year after a discussion with other local prep schools about start-of-the-school-year events. From the meeting, McGahie and the Department of Student Activities realized how intimidating a dance the first weekend could be for new students.

“It can actually be really intimidating [for new students]. You arrive on campus and sign up for classes, and then the first thing you have to do is go to this social event where what you dress like matters and who you dance with matters, and you haven’t even had the opportunity to even get to know your roommate’s last name yet,” McGahie said.

“Almost every time someone wanted to dance I heard them ask first.”

Thus, to prevent students from feeling overwhelmed at Back in Black, Student Activities replaced the dance with a carnival the first weekend and hosted the dance two weeks later in the year so that new students could have more time to settle in.

Dunbar dorm head Rabbi Jennifer Marx Asch said that pushing the dance allowed new students to come to the dance with friends, rather than alone, and hoped that this made students feel more comfortable.

Senior Alix Hunter said that because sexual assaults are more common in the beginning of the year, often referred to as the “red zone,” pushing Back in Black was a “great way” to help alleviate discomfort in certain situations. “New students are more vulnerable at the beginning of the year,” Hunter said. “[Pushing the dance] gave students a chance to adjust and to be dancing with classmates, not strangers.”

The dance was very popular; many students waited in a line outside the door, only to be let in when other students left. Asch said that given how crowded the dance was, “the chaperones were pleased with how the students listened to and cooperated with the DJ when she asked that they take safety measures such as spreading out or not pushing or jumping on one another,” Asch said. “This kept everyone safe and allowed the students to enjoy the dance.”

The overhead lights were off for the dance with just the DJ’s special effects lighting, but throughout the dance, the lights were often turned on for a few seconds to lull the energetic crowd.

Hunter said that the main problem at dances is their overall non-consensual grinding culture—someone will start dancing with another person and wait to see if they push them off. “Our student body needs to understand that dancing has to be mutual. It cannot be act first and ask later,” Hunter said. “I heard that this dance was better and that some people were being asked to dance. However, that isn’t the case every time. I’m sure people were uncomfortable.”

Senior Peter Duff said that, on Saturday, although he did not see a single person actually ask for consent before grinding, “there were less people grinding than in years past, and I think that of the people dancing, it seemed as if they were treating one another with respect,” Duff said. Unless the person grinding from behind is holding the person in the front, possibly making them feel more physically restrained, Duff said, “usually, if one person starts to feel uncomfortable, they can simply move away,” freeing themselves from unwanted advances.

Upper Ally Grounds was impressed by the culture of consent that she witnessed at the dance. “Almost every time someone wanted to dance I heard them ask first.” Praising this new habit of asking, Grounds believes it made the dance “less intimidating for younger people” and “more fun” rather than “serious or sexual.”

“Of course there were plenty of people that were mocking the idea of ‘ask first,’ but I did see some people asking to dance,” lower Mila Cherie said.  “Even if it was in a joking way, it gave someone the opportunity to say no.”

However, even with the delay of the dance and the pro-consent signs around campus, there were still cases where students felt uncomfortable or disrespected.

“I did wish that some people were more respectful of other people’s bodies instead of just trying to grind on someone they don’t know without talking to to them or even looking at their face first,” prep Natalia Madison said.

“Some of the guys didn’t take the hint for when to stop grinding with the girls they were with,” prep Samantha Resnick said.

Prep Will Kalikman said that he did not think everyone was respectful, but that it was expected as a part of the dance’s culture. “The social norm is to start grinding on a girl without asking her,” Kalikman said.

Some students’ discomfort was caused not by issues of non-consensual behavior, but of the raucous environment usually present at campus dances. As this was the first Exeter dance for many new students, some were unprepared for the intensity of the environment.  “I did feel uncomfortable at points because people were pushing, and everyone was very hot and sweaty,” prep Ogechi Nwankwoala said. Resnick felt similarly, “I felt uncomfortable in the small space because it made everyone press up against each other,” she said.

“I think dances at Exeter can be fun but can also be very disjointed. Some songs are really fun and people are really into it, but sometimes there’s a huge disconnect and everyone is just shoving and pushing and falling,” Cherie said.

Others found the dance had become “a little hypersensitive” and “overprotective.” “I thought the dance was fun, but not as good as past years,” upper Soren Rossi said. “It was a little uncomfortable and hard to loosen up with so many faculty around and everyone worried about St. Paul’s,” he added.