Moving for an Exeter Education
While many boarding students’ families get used to the premature separation from their children, a significant portion of the day student population is made up of students whose families moved here to support their children along their Exeter journeys. The boarding school phenomenon has increased in recent years, and some families who have the means to put their child through years of prep school, also have jobs that allow them to be geographically independent.
The Bosche family, whose daughter is upper Michelle Bosche, moved to Exeter from Montana for the 2012-2013 school year so that she could be a day student during her first year. “My parents have a job that allows them to move basically wherever the wind blows,” Bosche said.
Some parents of boarding students also have chosen to move close to the school. Upper Lexi Butler’s family moved to Exeter this year because of flexible circumstances at home. This year, her little brother Prescott, who is a new lower, decided to come to Exeter. With both children attending the Academy, the Butlers reasoned that they should be closer to their children. “Both my parents don’t have as many ties and connections to Long Island, so they figured they just wanted to be closer to us,” Lexi Butler said.
For many of the students, their parents’ move to Exeter have been beneficial in numerous ways. They return home on the weekends, enjoy a home-cooked meal whenever they want, and have their parents drive them to places off campus.
The Russ family, whose children are uppers Josie and Charlie who board on campus, bought a house in Exeter, where their mother lives in the house from spring to fall, while their father remains in Houston, Texas. Charlie Russ noted that he especially enjoys eating home-cooked meals whenever he wants and doing his laundry whenever he needs to.
Lexi Butler also noted the convenience of having her parents around. “My brother and I needed rides to places for our sports games, and I can’t really eat at the dining hall anymore since I developed a lot of food allergies. It makes sense for them to be here, so they can drive us and I can eat lunch and dinner at my house.”
Family relations are especially important to the Price family, and with their move to Exeter, they have enjoyed spending more time together. Lower Stephen Price boarded in Peabody Hall during his prep year, but this year, his family moved to Exeter so that he could be a day student. “I live with a younger brother, my parents, and my grandparents, so I was missing a lot of the family life that I was used to,” Price said. “I really enjoy the new day student experience, as I can be with my family, and I live so close that it still feels like I'm a boarder.
Parents have also found a lot of benefits about moving to Exeter. Lea Butler, Lexi and Prescott’s mother, has enjoyed being a bigger presence in her children’s lives and being able to understand their day to day lives better.
“We have totally loved being a bigger part of their lives, it’s so awesome,” she said. “I see Lexi every day because she comes home for lunch at 12:30 and dinner at 6, and then Prescott a little more sporadically but I definitely see him a couple times per week, and more on the weekends.”
Some people have questioned whether spending so much time with parents detracts from the Exeter experience. The idea of self-sufficiency sparked Bosche’s decision to become a boarder her lower year at the Academy after spending her first year as a day student. “Being a day student doesn't immerse you completely into life at Exeter. You don't form the same connections from your dorm, and you miss out on learning to be completely independent.” Bosche said. “I don't think I was ready to handle all of Exeter, my first year, so having my parents there was great. But I'm also glad they moved away after the first year. One of the most valuable parts of the Exeter experience is becoming independent and relying mostly on yourself.”
As boarding students have began to bring their parents along with them to school more and more, it has become prevalent in not only students’ perspectives, but also many other members of the Exeter community, such as Szu-Hui Lee, one of the school psychiatrists.
Lee said that it is difficult to form a uniform opinion because each family situation is different, but noted that this could potentially affect the boarder's independence. “I wonder about the impact of having family so close when their student is trying to adjust to managing independence. It might be a tricky balance in some situations while very helpful for others,” she said.
Other boarding students mostly favored living on campus as boarders. Niels Schrage, a lower in Wentworth Hall, said that his family considered moving to Exeter, but ultimately decided against it. Initially, Schrage was enticed by some of the perks day students enjoy such as the ability to go home on the weekends. “In the other way, it seems a little absurd,” Schrage said. “If your kids go to boarding school, they’re probably going for a number of reasons, but big ones are freedom and independence. It seems like an extreme measure to take for just for four years. That being said, I feel like this entire issue derives from some of the necessity for boarders’ parents to be kept in the loop and I think the school can do more to keep them inside the loop.”