Counselors on Call for Grieving Campus
The Academy community will come together in the upcoming weeks to hold a memorial service for upper Preeya Sheth, who passed away July 30.
The service, scheduled for Sept. 14 at Phillips Church, will be organized by Reverend Robert Thompson and a group of faculty members and students. Along with the service, the Academy will provide additional means of commemoration and support.
“Losing a member of our community is always difficult, and the death of a student brings particular heartache to me and to the entire Exeter family,” Principal Tom Hassan said. “I am mindful of the support our students – and adults – may need as they grieve.”
Dean of Students Melissa Mischke added that both faculty and counselors will support students according to their needs as the new school year begins.
“The faculty in the dormitory, Preeya's adviser and other adults on campus are working to make the transition back to Exeter supportive and inclusive of the space and time some might need,” Mischke said. “It will be a careful balance with the joy of a new school year and providing a positive, guiding and welcoming start for our new students also arriving on campus.”
Beyond the resources of the campus, PEA has consulted with Dr. Stephanie Pinder-Amaker, director of McLean College Mental Health Program and an instructor at Harvard Medical School, to address concerns that may arise. Due to the nature of Sheth’s death, a suicide, Pinder-Amaker has been advising both faculty and counselors about how to best help the Exeter community.
The Academy’s Health and Wellness Center will also offer support for students. Director of Counseling and Psychological Services Jeanne Stern said that counselors recognize the differences in students’ needs and that they will aid all students to cope with the loss.
“People grieve in different ways and it’s important to understand that there is still happiness and that can be enjoyed without guilt,” Stern said. “This is not something that will go away after a few weeks for people. Someone might have a reaction three months from now. People grieve so differently, and we just want to be as open to all the grief that students will be experiencing as possible.”
Temporary counselor Szu-Hui Lee agreed with Stern that the recognition of different students’ needs is important for the entire community to recover from the loss and emphasized that continuous communication between students and faculty will be constructive and healthy. “Ongoing discussion is definitely helpful, and the knowledge that anyone can reach out to us is really important. I think we need to make room for individuals to respond in their own way, because grief is so complicated. Different people might grieve in different ways, and we need to give people permission to do what they need to do how they need to do it,” Lee said.
Counselor and religion instructor Christopher Thurber added that he hopes students will be able to trust the counselors and reach out. “We really want students to know how private and confidential anything told to a counselor is, and we hope that they can always find an outlet to speak about anything they wish without feeling worried or self-conscious that anyone else might find out,” Thurber said.
Counselor Constance Morse and Mischke said that student leaders will also be sources of support for other students. Morse and Mischke noted that faculty will seek proctors and student listeners to communicate with students in the dorm in order to help students who are experiencing the loss of a friend and classmate.
“We will be talking about depression with student listeners earlier on in the year this year, to make sure the nets are out there for people,” Morse said. “We want to be able to guide students who want to help a friend, or are worried about someone.”
Mischke said that proctors met with the counselors on the first night of proctor training to receive guidance and suggestions from the counselors. She also noted that the community should be aware that new students will be needing student leaders’ support as well. “It will be important for us, students and faculty, to keep a watchful eye on how our friends, classmates, and roommates are doing,” Mischke said. “We also need to keep in mind that we need to balance this with the opening of school. Our new students will need to be welcomed, encouraged and supported in those opening days as well.”