Students Leaving Academy Offer Insight

Every year, a very small percentage of the student population chooses to withdraw from the Academy for reasons ranging from pursuing other interests to being closer to family.Dean of Student Melissa Mischke said students leave for a wide variety of reasons."We will talk with the students and the families, either by telephone or email, whatever method is most preferable for them. Sometimes, families just make a decision, and there’s minimal conversation. They’ve talked as a family, or they’ve walked it through with the student’s adviser," Mischke said. "With the kids that withdraw, which there are not that many of to begin with, there’s a different story for each one."Richard Sun, a lower in Wentworth, is one of those who will not be returning for what would have been his third year at Exeter in the fall."It was mainly my parents’ decision," Sun said. "My sister is graduating this year and will be attending UCLA. I have a younger brother who lives in Vancouver, and also, on top of that, my parents travel to China once a month, so it’s pretty hectic to have me here at Exeter. To help make things easier, I’m going to go to school back in Vancouver."Although his parents ultimately made the decision for Sun to withdraw, initially the news incited no passionate reaction from Sun."At first, I was more or less indifferent, I didn’t really care—it’s not that bad here, I’ve made friends," Sun said. "Now I’m thinking that it might be better to go back."Among the few who choose to withdraw, some came to Exeter as an experiment.New lower Palmer Jordan came to Exeter to "try it out" because, after moving to a different state, he didn’t have a solid home base at the time he came to the Academy. Jordan said he will not return next year because he feels that the Academy doesn’t offer what he’s looking for."The main reason that I’m leaving is to pursue my dancing career," Jordan said. "I don’t think that Exeter can really offer me a valuable dance education to prepare me to become a professional dancer, which is my ultimate goal."Jordan cited other reasons why Exeter is not suitable for him. "The life at Exeter is stressful in general—it’s just a lot of work. With what I’m doing I don’t think that I necessarily need such a strong academic background."Sean Bradley also attended the Academy on a trial basis for his prep year, and was not enthusiastic about coming here in the first place."I told my parents that I wanted to stay with my friends at home. I was nervous about going to boarding school. Exeter seemed very rigorous compared to Canadian public school," Bradley said. "They said, ‘We are your parents and you have to be exposed to this. We are going to make you for a year and if you don’t like it you can chose to leave.’"Bradley liked Exeter for the first two months. "Exeter was huge and beautiful. I loved learning large amounts, I loved the guys in Wentworth, I loved the Physics Department," Bradley said.However, by the start of winter term, the novelty had worn off."I cannot remember in my entire academic career wanting to be on Christmas break more than I did in the four weeks in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember thinking that I can’t be enjoying where I am enough to justify staying if I want to be away that bad. It was getting pretty torturous by the end of the year," Bradley said.Bradley also commented on the conformity that he perceived at Exeter."All possible ways in which ‘nerdiness’ could be bad, it was," he said. "Exeter is a huge fan of pretending like it brings a lot of diversity, but it streamlines the life out of you, which meant many people were programmed—too inside the lines of what Exeter expected of them."Bradley also noticed that some of his peers had their lives planned out in a very exacting way."Other people were robots: they had planned their entire lives—which courses and extra-curricular activities to take so they could go to the proper program at the proper university so they could get a proper career they wanted," he said.Bradley’s story dispels the notion that all the students who leave are struggling either academically or socially."It’s not like I was super depressed and not talking to anyone. My best friends were all Wentworth boys and I liked lots of the girls," he said. "I was on both track teams and JV soccer. I had a 9.8 winter term and a 9.6 spring term: I wasn’t doing badly at all."Bradley is now finishing 11th grade at a public school in Toronto, Canada. He "totally misses all the academic Exeter stuff, [but] my quality of life is so much better and I am so much happier. I have experienced a lot more than I would have at Exeter," he said.Another student whose story contradicts the assumption that those who chose to leave "can’t handle it" is Morgan Hung. Hung left the Academy at the end of her first year as a lower.At the end of spring term Hung had strong grades, was part of PEAN and The Exonian, and had made good friends at Exeter, especially in her dorm, McConnell Hall.However Hung quickly realized that she had made the wrong choice when she decided to come to Exeter instead of Milton Academy."I didn’t really think about what I wanted from a school when I first entered and when I got there I kind of realized it wasn’t for me," Hung said. "I just didn’t enjoy the atmosphere; it was really stressful and I’m not a very type A kind of person—I am more relaxed. It wasn’t the people—it was Exeter itself that made me kind of miserable," she said.Hung has had a different experience since switching to Milton Academy."I don’t know how to explain the difference. Milton is still pretty competitive but the atmosphere is just more relaxed; people aren’t always concerned about work," she said.The Harkness method, one of the Exeter’s main attractions, is something the majority of boarding schools do now, according to Hung."As much as Exeter wants to call it their own thing, I think that pretty much every boarding school has a Harkness system."Ultimately Hung left knowing she could get a great education elsewhere, with less misery."People would tell me that they didn’t necessarily like Exeter but they stay there because they will appreciate it later on in life," Hung said. "For me, I didn’t feel defeated. I just didn’t like Exeter and I didn’t want to go there for two more years and feel miserable."In some rare situations, students feel obliged to leave prior to inevitable expulsion. A former Exonian, who asked to remain anonymous, experienced this very dilemma and described the scene before withdrawing."It was the worst thing. The faculty were pushy and uncooperative. I was confined to the Health Center without communication or knowing what was going on outside the four walls. I thought if this is leading up to a DC where I'll be kicked out, why put up with the stress and anxiety of it all?" the student said."Then they called me to J Smith to say that they were putting me on med leave," the student said. "I told them that even since prep year I had always been unsure if Exeter had ever really been the place for me. And now I clearly saw it wasn't, especially with the idiotic way they went about with disciplinary processes. So I withdrew then."The former Exonian stated that he is much happier now than when he was at the Academy. He said he has had more fun since leaving.He has also been thriving in his current situation. "I'm going to a boarding school in Europe come this fall, I'm scuba diving, working on a farm, playing basketball representing my town at regionals, making art, writing music, and teaching math and English," he said.