Senior Meditations

When the clock ticks to 9:50 a.m. on Wednesday morning, the bells of Phillips Church signal the congregation of a portion of the Exeter community into the churches’ pews, where the audience hopes to listen, learn and reflect. As English instructor Todd Hearon wrote in his description of senior meditations on the Academy’s website, “These meditations stand as a kind of culmination in the students’ Exeter career—a holding forth, a taking into account and making shape of some definitive experience and an invitation, finally, for the listening audience to be included in the personal as it ramifies into the collective and communal.”

During spring term, 12 seniors—Kevin Zhen, Annie Ning, Abby Ambrogi, Moonlan Zhang, Cesar Zamudio, Julia Bornemann, Jorge Colmenares, Bridget Higgins, Dominique Cantave, Anthony Bau, Julie Chung and Mykel Miller (in chronological order)—presented the meditations they had written during the winter term. Selected by the English department based on topic variety, writing styles and character, these 12 pieces revealed to the Exeter community a breadth of ideas and personal insights of the writers.

“The value I got out of the meditation is that I can stop stressing about the memories because now they’re permanent. It helps remove a lot of the turmoil that comes with emotional upheaval.”

Below are reviews of four of the meditations that were read this past spring.

Annie Ning’s “Home/town”

Ning focused her meditation on the “reckless years” she spent in Suzhou, China in a collection of vignettes. She explained how she realized that Suzhou was a bubble, and in turn, she “realized how different it compared to what we call ‘The Exeter bubble.’”

Ning found herself unsure of what she wanted to write about and purposefully avoided the topic of home, believing it may be cliché. However, she soon realized that she wanted to write about all of the memories and experiences of living in Suzhou that she “couldn’t shake from memory.”

The process of writing her mediation allowed Ning to reflect and find ways to express how she felt in writing. “It was a really cathartic experience, reshaping all the anecdotes and discovering how they connected … I’d been homesick all senior year, and I thought it was strange. The meditation process revealed a lot.”

Lower Lara Galligani found Ning’s meditation to be truthful and thought she captured the sense of “feeling invincible” in China. “I remember Annie’s very well because it was different—she’s a fantastic writer. I resonated with it as an international student and how her home felt like a bubble when her friend had died,” Gallagani said.

Ning described her reasons behind choosing the topic of her piece. “I feel like the community here at Exeter needed to know that as much Exeter is a sheltered and protected place, there’s so much that happens here that we take into the real world once we leave,” Ning said.

Moonlan Zhang’s “Home in Heart”

“Though I still cannot explain why exactly, I know that the passport I hold feels like home.” For Zhang, a majority of her life involved moving often, leading her to explore the idea of home and “how the word means different things to me depending on the context and location.”

She elaborated on the connections between her homes and her identity as an Asian student living in the United States. “I still don’t necessarily know the rules of American football or eat turkey for Thanksgiving, but the American identity runs far deeper than cultural events,” she said.

Zhang noted that although she felt intimidated during the first moments in the church with the bright lights and an amplified voice from the podium, she quickly got acclimated to her surroundings. “That discomfort fades as you read because you see all your closest friends in the front few rows and you feel really secure.”

Before she read in the church, Zhang shared her meditation with her close friends—while she noted that the church provided an intimate environment, she felt more connected to her friends than to a larger audience. “Reading my meditation to my friends in private is different because it feels like more of a conversation, and I would say it feels the most intimate of all,” she said.

Cesar Zamudio’s “Stepping Out of the Shadows: A Story About Redemption, Compassion and Proximity”

Although all mediations are heartfelt and eye-opening, very few are acknowledged with applause. Cesar Zamudio’s story about his family’s journey from Colombia to the United States received a well-deserved standing ovation.

He wanted to use the meditation as “a platform and an avenue to share something that needs to be discussed in this community.” The topic of illegal immigration is covered extensively in the media, but most people don’t get the chance to view it on a personal level.

Zamudio shared moments from his life when his parents were pushing themselves to their limits so that he could have the best opportunity for success. “I wanted to bring an issue … to the forefront of this community, and to challenge their preconceptions.” He kept his writing process private—before he read his meditation, only five people knew what it’s topic. He did not share it in his class, and only one person helped him revise.

After finishing his reading, the entire audience rose in support and awe of Zamudio’s story. “Reading it in the church was nerve-wracking at the beginning, but once I got into my groove it became very natural. It was a big moment for me, so I’m glad it got easier and easier as I kept reading,” Zamudio said.

Anthony Bau’s “Dear Memories”

“Because there is no such thing as moving on, only moving into.” Bau steps down from the church stage and returns to his chair, next to Reverend Robert Thompson. Phillips Church sits still, silent, and the sound of the cars outside seep into the empty void that is the hollowness of the filled room. The piano begins to play and now the audience shifts in its seat. Bau had just touched the hearts of each person, student or faculty, in the church.

“Writing has always been cathartic,” Bau said. When he began writing his meditation during winter term, Bau was undergoing a difficult time of his life. To deal with this, he relied on writing, a hobby he treasures.

“The value I got out of the meditation is that I can stop stressing about the memories because now they’re permanent,” he said. “It helps remove a lot of the turmoil that comes with emotional upheaval.”

The emotional upheaval that contributed to his meditation was certainly felt by the crowd in attendance. Senior Darius Shi noted the final line of Bau’s piece: “Because there is no such thing as moving on, only moving into.” “[This line] made me think about the nature of each story in my life and the impact of letting go,” Shi said.

Through his meditation, Bau explored and recounted his experiences with “letting go,” ultimately finding that for him this act that is easy, but quite difficult for many others.

“I suspect that there is also a degree to which a lot of people find it much easier than I do to sever with things in the past,” he said. “I wanted to communicate why that is something that is difficult for me to do.”