Life Advice
My language teacher is completely insane. What do I do? Guaman: If you think your teacher is insane, you probably aren’t the only one in the class who is suffering. Just act twice as insane, and you won’t really notice it anymore. Or, if you really want to take a leap, you could switch languages. I’ve heard the Spanish department has some pretty chill señoras and señores. Yusuke: You could try to get on your teacher’s good side so his/her insanity is directed to your classmates instead of you. Just act like you’re interested in the culture and agree with anything your teacher says, no matter how insane it is. What should I do for my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day? Katt_sass: Get on your knees and propose! My sweetheart didn’t buy me a Valentine’s Day ad in the Exonian. Does this mean he doesn’t love me? Yusuke: Not really, maybe he was broke at that time and couldn’t afford the ad spot. Who knows, he might have even been saving up to get you a special Valentine’s Day gift or something. But then again, I would probably assume he was broke from ordering too much food. Romeo's can do that to you, I know from personal experience. Katt_sass: If you’re asking the school newspaper this, then we clearly both know the answer (no, he doesn’t love you, he loves me). I’m in love with the hockey team. How can I woo them? Katt_sass: Attend as many games as possible and wear your Ralph Lauren hat backwards. There’s a lot of pressure for me to listen to hipster music, but I’m not that into it. Are there other ways for people to like me? Katt_sass: Start a movement called “Why So Hipster?” Refuse the alternative by ironically listening to Ke$ha every time they try to get you to indulge in indie classics like “Sweater Weather” and hits from the band “Machines are People Too.” How can I text in class without getting caught? Katt_sass: If your class uses a textbook, make sure that you keep it on the slider and as close to you as possible. The closer it is, the less sketchy you’ll look when you look down at that text from your mom. Yusuke: If you want to text in class, you will have to start with finding the perfect seat. A lot of people think that sitting directly opposite of the teacher is the best, but I assure you that this is an amateur technique. You want to sit maybe 3-4 seats away from your teacher so that you won’t be in their field of vision. Also make sure to keep your phone on silent. I’ve seen too many preps make this novice mistake. Have any life problems? Submit your questions to Mason and Yusuke at exonianaf@gmail, or slip them into P.O. box #1897.