Ways to Pretend You’ve Done the Reading When Your SparkNotes Free Trial Expired Last Week
By KAYLEE GONG ‘28 and LYDIA KUHNERT ‘28
After a long night of various sports, clubs, homework, friend dramas, and everything else that clutters the time of an Exonian, sometimes your English homework just escapes your mind. Until you’re on your way to Phillips Hall,
1. Ask a question
2. Make some symbolism out of a random word
3. Pretend you are displaying a deep analysis of the reading
4. Quote passages you have already read
5. Read out a whole paragraph
6. Assign an emotion to a character
7. Ask to google something
8. Talk about the time period it was written in
9. Overanalyze the hell out of a word.
10. Just leave. Yes, just leave the classroom. You’ve had enough.
By ADELLE PITTS ‘27 and MEGHAN TATE ZEE ‘27
English teachers, please do not read the following.
Picture this: you’re on the way to your English class, five minutes before its start time, absolutely freaking out because you have not read a single page of the reading. Want to save your Harkness grade? Read below.
Never start the conversation.
This is a no-brainer. Keep quiet during the first part of the discussion, listen to what other people are saying, and skim through the text while you’re at it. It’ll give you some points to talk about later on.
Agree with everyone.
This can be really useful, especially when you don’t have any of your own points. Essentially, just restate what they said, and if possible, add on a little by pointing out a quote or two from the text that supports their claim. It’ll make you sound thoughtful and engaged, even if you have no idea what you are really agreeing with.
Connect points to the larger themes of the book.
Similar to the above point, by connecting people’s points to overall themes in the book, it can show the class that you are thinking on a deeper level, even if it’s obvious what the theme is and you’re just trying to get a few points in. Teachers also enjoy it when you connect points to earlier events or characterization in the book. You can say something like, “Actually, Bobby’s point reminds me of what happened on page three…” and bring the class to that page.
Listen to your small groups attentively and reiterate what they said in the large discussion.
If your teacher is one of those who start Harkness with small group discussions, this can be extremely helpful for you. If you know your group won’t judge, feel free to let them in on your little secret, and ask them what they think about the chapters. If you don’t want to tell them you didn’t do the reading, let them share their points first, and when they ask you what you think, just say, “You know, I truly agree with what you just said. That’s a really good point.” Either way, take note of their points because you can use them once the class Harkness discussion begins. It’s usually best to say “Bobby and I were talking about …” and give credit to them. Otherwise, it’s a little harsh to just steal their points, but hey, whatever boosts that Harkness grade, right?
Find a random sentence and make it deeper than it actually is.
Any book you read in English class is supposed to be deep. So, take a flip throughout the chapters and pick any long sentence. Read it slowly to the class (for dramatic effect) and go on a 30 second tangent about how it “relates to so many elements of the text.” Yap about how it connects to different perspectives of characters — even better!
Repeat the exact same thing someone just said but put it in question form (it makes you seem super smart).
This is called mirroring. Say the exact same thing your peer said, but add some pizzazz! What’s pizazz, you may ask? Emotion, pauses, and instead of saying the sentence as a statement, end on an upward tone.
Being an Exonian can be rough. So yeah, sorry, sometimes we take shortcuts; it pains us that the SparkNotes free trial only lasts seven days. Thank the heavens that there are tips and tricks to make yourself seem like you’ve done the reading!