Top 10 *Fundamental* Things To Do During Debate Club (When You Don’t Know What’s Going On)

BY KAYLEE GONG ‘28 and LYDIA KUHNERT ‘28

Rhetoric Part 1: If you sound smart, you must be smart. 

Common sense. Tone variation is always the best.

Rhetoric Part 2: Dramatic. Pauses.

Glance down at your stopwatch and watch the time tick away. Hey, rhetoric is good, right?

Have a six-minute-long intro.

Really pull out that thesaurus out and all of your adjectives. Surely, the debate is actually about the sweat dripping down your face.

“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

The Founding Fathers and the Declaration must have gotten some things right. Never a bad idea to play the patriot.

“FUNDAMENTALLY …”

Sprinkle this one in every few sentences, and you will fundamentally make co-head in no time.

“In fact, Side Opposition actually agrees with us.”

They absolutely do not. 

Go straight Ad Hominem. (directly insult the opponent)

Prep Kaylee Gong is quite fond of this one. Hopefully the judges will be too.

Hand Gestures.

They take the judge’s focus away from your stuttering.

Re-list those contentions.

You’re basically just cruxing… besides, what’s the harm in repeating yourself a little?

Make up a historical fact.

It’ll almost always make you sound super smart, unless Joonyoung is judging, of course.

BONUS: Just look away when Joonyoung Heo begins choosing the POD assignments. A little avoidance and deflection never hurts. Pick the easy judges.