Title: “Love is Dead: A Valentine’s Day Reflection from Exeter”

By ADELE MAMEDOVA ‘25

Hey ChatGPT. I need to write an opinion article about Valentine’s Day for my school newspaper... The prompt is something like reflecting on my own past experiences with Valentine’s Day, while also stating my opinion on relationships at my school (Phillips Exeter Academy.) I think love is dead and there’s no time to date at Exeter so we should cancel Valentine’s Day. Write me an article. Make it funny.

Dear Exonians,

Ah, Valentine’s Day! The day of love, roses, and heart-shaped chocolates. Or is it? As a student at Phillips Exeter Academy, I can’t help but wonder if love has packed its bags and left campus entirely. In fact, I’m convinced that love is not just on life support at Exeter; it’s six feet under, resting peacefully.

Now, before you accuse me of being the Grinch of Valentine’s Day, let me clarify – I don’t hate love; I just think Exeter and love have had a falling out. Here’s my take on why we should cancel Valentine’s Day at our beloved school.

First of all, have you seen our schedules? At Exeter, it feels like we’re all competing in the academic Olympics. With classes, extracurriculars, and mountains of homework, who has time for romance? If someone manages to squeeze in a date at Exeter, it’s practically a miracle. It’s more like speed dating but without the actual dating part. We’re so busy that even Cupid would need a personal assistant to keep up with our calendars.

Then there’s the Exeter Bubble. It’s not just a physical location; it’s a state of mind. We’re so engrossed in our studies and activities that we sometimes forget there’s a world beyond these ivy-covered walls. It’s like being in a relationship with Exeter itself – it’s all-consuming, but it doesn’t leave much room for anything else. Who has the time or energy for dating when you’re busy exploring the mysteries of calculus or unraveling the secrets of poetry?

Now, I’m not saying that love is impossible at Exeter. It’s just incredibly elusive, like trying to find a library book during finals week. And when you do find it, it often comes with a hefty side of drama and gossip, which is entertaining in its own right, I suppose.

So, here’s my proposal: let’s cancel Valentine’s Day at Exeter and replace it with something more fitting for our unique situation. How about “Friendship Appreciation Day”? We can celebrate the amazing friends we’ve made during our time here, the people who have been by our side through the late-night study sessions, the cafeteria food adventures, and the occasional moments of academic panic.

We can exchange notes of gratitude, share funny anecdotes, and have a good laugh together. Instead of roses, we can give each other snacks from the Grille or spare coffee punches from our cards. It might not be romantic, but it’s practical and, let’s face it, much more Exeter-esque.

Happy (Non-Romantic) Valentine’s Day, Exeter!

Yours humorously,

[Your Name]

[Adele Mamedova]