Humor Editorial: Earthquake Utterly Destroys Exeter

By IZYAAN BURNEY ‘26 and CINDY MUMBO ‘26, 147th Humor Editors

Hi Exonians, 

As the Exonian reading this probably knows, on Monday, Jan. 27th, a 3.8 magnitude earthquake hit Phillips Exeter Academy AND…. No One Cared. As chairs rumbled and floors shook, you may have thought students may be concerned for their safety; after all, it was an emergency. But to no one’s surprise, students were working away in Agora, buying chicken waffles in Grill, and bickering about upcoming tests and homework. 

See, you don’t understand the mentality of an Exonian. For example, one can be presented with two options. Option A: complete studying for your math test next block. Option B: duck under tables and waste 10 minutes of your time hearing people say, “What was that?” and “I’m scared!”

A frequent DSL lounger recalled, “I thought a teacher fell upstairs.” Me too, Bob, me too. And don’t get me started with Alex the Geologist. Alex was walking around EPAC, attempting to locate the epicenter of the earthquake. Students told Alex to pipe down and said that he was doing too much. I agree, Alex the Geologist should stick to navigating getting across the desert and not whatever that was. 

The banter and bicker of Grill continued, students in the library continued studying, and department meeting nappers lay fast asleep. Besides, whether it’s earthquakes, falling snow, or the apocalypse, the grind never stops for Exonians. 

Best Regards, 

Your new (and funniest) humor editors in all of Exonian history 

Izyaan Burney ‘26 and Cindy Mumbo ‘26