Barbarian Club Storms Andover

It looks like students at Andover will actually have something to be excited about this week, compared to their mind-numbingly boring day to days. On Thursday, Exeter’s Barbarian Club plans to embark on a 25-mile march to Andover. Students in the club have not been authorized to do this yet, but plan to wrestle with the deans over the matter, literally. Co-head Koroggvulr Johnson said, “[they’ve] already set out the mud pit and everything. [The deans] haven’t agreed to wear the customary loincloths yet, which is a bit of a setback since it’s not legally binding if they don’t, but [he] thinks [the deans] will come around.”

Barbarian Club has actually put in a surprising amount of planning, according to member Hrat Smith. “We usually spend meetings spit roasting whole cows and seeing who can get punched in the face the most without passing out,” Smith said, “but these past few weeks the chieftain’s actually laid down a lot of the groundwork for our raid on Andover.”

After bringing the chieftain, senior Orleg Williams, a full bear hide and three alligator steaks to prove my worth, I was able to get some of the nitty gritty on the assault on Andover out of her. “We’re bringing about 400 feral hogs on our march with us,” Williams revealed, “which we plan to release on Andover’s campus once we arrive. If I could have my way, I would’ve picked something like rams or lions, but beggars can’t be choosers. It doesn’t really matter, though; boars are a vicious species and I admire their tenacity.” Williams did not reveal much else, as she was concerned Andover would read this article and prepare counter measures. Fortunately, after I assured her nobody at Andover could read, she shared with me that they plan to throw the opposing football team into the nearest volcano. While some might believe this to be a violation of fair play, I say the game’s already begun.