Dorm Depot: Advertisement

Come one, come all, come someone please we're nearly bankrupt, to Dorm Depot, the one stop shop for all your dorm room needs!By shopping with us, your dorm will look exactly the way it did on the final day of school last year. That’s a good thing, right? Here's a brief sampling of our wide variety of products, carefully designed with you in mind. Because you have money and we want it.

LED Lights: A strip of glowing, pulsing LED lights to make your room permanently LIT *hits dab*. Also, there's a setting to make them change color fast enough to give you an epilepsy seizure when you want to dick your 8 a.m.

Butterworts: There’s no better way to decorate your room than with a plant so high maintenance that it serves as the perfect way to procrastinate on all the actually important things you need to get done. Have fun catching bloodworms to keep these suckers fed.

Febreze spray: Keep your room smelling clean and fresh, while continuing to add to the pile of dirty socks beside your dresser! Even better, our custom model doubles as pepper spray for when that one friend refuses to leave.

Printer: Our specialty printers are fully equipped and ready to print all of your last-minute assignments right before class. It also comes with a wi-fi jammer so you don’t have to worry about setting it up wrong—it will screw up your entire dorm’s wi-fi no matter what!

A chair: You can tell your parents it’s for your “friends” to sit on when they “visit you” all you want. We all know it’s reserved for empty pizza boxes and clothes that aren’t dirty enough for the laundry, but are too dirty for the closet. You have no friends.

Ti-UnNspired: Utilizing state of the art sensor technology, this high tech calculator automatically registers high stress situations such as a math test or the SAT, and drains its battery immediately to help you stay away from electronics and focus.