Climate Activists Ignore Crisis In Pacific

To be brutally honest, you would have to be deaf, blind, mute, living under a rock and banished from society forever to not have heard of the climate change debacle. Rainforests are burning, icebergs are melting, I tripped yesterday and hurricanes and instances of flooding are becoming more and more prevalent, yet somehow nation leaders around the world refuse to take the situation seriously. Corporations continue to operate solely on self- interest, meeting renewable energy and low carbon requirements to the bare minimum, if even. e UN Climate Action Summit was also not incredibly promising, seeing as, although 23 more countries are willing to develop more aggressive and stricter climate plans, these 23 countries only make up 6.8% of global emissions. Regarding the US, our fearless leader Donald Trump was courageous enough to stay silent among the presence of activists such as 16 year old Greta Thunberg, stating nothing about the States’ plans to reduce emissions.Fortunately, US citizens, specifically young people, seem to be taking a page out of Thunberg’s book. Climate strikes are occur- ring all over, in areas surrounding schools, cities, churches and what

be it. Exeter has even shown its pas- sion toward preserving our planet with their own Exeter Climate Lobby. e club took advantage of Exeter’s driven spirit and passion for changing the world and man- aged to amass a mighty 50 people in attendance. To put that in perspective, Meat Club received more than 100 signatures at Club Night.Although I respect the work of these activists and admire their dedication toward saving the plan- et, I’m more concerned about why they’ve been ignoring the giant portal that recently opened up in the Pacific Ocean.The portal spans a good twenty miles long and four miles wide, roughly about as deep as the classics students consider themselves. As far as appearances go, it looks as if a giant had ripped open a hole in the ocean and stuffed a couple handfuls of steamed spinach from D Hall inside. I wish I could say scientists around the world were flocking to investigate the origin and nature of the portal, but the extent of exploration has been surfers falling in in an attempt to catch gnarly alien waves alongside a boat that some local high schooler rented so they could throw rocks into it.is was as far as observations had gone until just about 12 a.m.

last night, when a giant lizard creature leaped out of the portal and started terrorizing San Francisco. Attempts to stop the beast stemmed from edgy posts on Snap- chat stories complaining about how the monster was, “killing the vibe,” to a movement labelling the creature, “cancelled.” Unfortunately, none of these efforts were fruitful, as the lizard, then labelled “Geicozilla,” quickly cancelled the protestors with a laser beam shot from its mouth, levelling half the city in the process.Although the government is currently ignoring this disaster due to an intense game of tic tac toe, or whatever they do in order to save money and avoid supporting the people, the Exeter Robotics Club has taken it upon themselves to be the sole saviors of the West Coast.A cohead of the club was quoted saying, “As much as it breaks our heart to save San Francisco, we couldn’t really pass up the chance to make a giant robot to fight it. Like, have you seen Pacific Rim? It’s sick.”While I can’t disagree that Pacific Rim is pretty awesome, I’m fairly doubtful that the project will come into fruition without a parent concerned for their child’s safety shutting their work down. Sorry, San Fran.