Interim Principal Candidate Statement: Abby Zhang

First of all, I am incredibly qualified for the position of interim principal. I graduated from prep fall in 2015, after having passed five whole classes (health class–we’ve all been there).

You may know me from my many involvements in the PEA community. I am unafraid to make my voice heard. As a committee head, I attend Student Council meetings almost every month and can always be heard heckling speakers from the back.

In addition, as someone who constantly (and I heavily emphasize the word constantly) frequents the fine institution of Stillwells Riverwalk Ice Cream, I am well connected with the greater Exeter vicinity as well (but only within the ten mile radius, of course).

You have probably seen me.

If selected as interim principal, I vow to read the entire Deed of Gift not only at opening assembly, but at every single assembly moving forward. Assembly checks will indeed be enforced.

I will be working to improve the sexual climate on campus and am extremely qualified to do so. For example, recently, I have been spotted in the basement of the library giving dirty looks to youngsters, thereby deterring them from engaging in intimate relations.

I also propose modifying the current new visitations policy to include requiring all students who partake in visitations to wear heart monitors at all times. If heart rates are measured to be over 80 beats per minute, the students involved will be prohibited from ever visiting another dormitory in the future.

As interim principal, I wwould institute a policy that allows individuals to speak only when holding a rock. I, of course, will carry a basket of rocks around with me at all times. I plan on handing out the aforementioned rocks to students and adults in the community alike. I am confident that this will fill our campus with important discussions about