Upper Starves to Death Waiting in Wetherell Dining Hall Line

Tuesday during Lunch, an upper sadly passed away from starvation while waiting in line to get food at Wetherell Dining Hall. She was forced to wait in line so long due to the increase in dining hall patrons that comes with Experience Exeter.

A core tenet of Experience Exeter is, of course, having to budget an extra twenty minutes minimum for every trip to D-Hall in order to have enough time to both get food and eat it. That being said, this yearly tradition always takes a toll on Exonians, especially sick, sad, stressed uppers. This year, the tradition went too far.

A dear friend of the starvation victim told us, “When she said she was so hungry she was gonna die, I didn’t think she meant literally. She will be missed.”

The faculty expressed mild concern over the incident. “Maybe we should do something to address the insanely long lines during Experience Exeter,” the administration stated in an official response following the incident. However, the administration has not yet taken any action to fix the problem, and likely doesn’t plan on doing so.

Students agree however, that while the lines ar,e certainly too long, at least they will probably get prime rib at some point this week as the school tries to impress potential Exonian Muffy’s hedge–fund–manager father.