Dining Hall Staff Misreads Experience Exeter Schedule, Accidentally Serves Good Food on Wednesday

Exonians streamed into Elm Street Dining Hall this Wednesday and were greeted by a mouth-watering spread of fruit salads, chicken quesadillas, grilled sausage, and strawberry shortcake. D-hall staffers, proud of the impressive spread, appeared increasingly bewildered at the familiar faces of current students.

“Where are all the overdressed little twerps with nametags and helicopter parents?” One staffer asked another.

Not until too much of the delicious food had been consumed did they begin to realize their mistake. “I was under the impression that admitted students would be visiting all week,” the dining hall manager said, shaking his head.

Surveillance microwaves installed by the Humor Editors in J. Smith Hall overheard a terse meeting on Wednesday afternoon between a group of D-hall staffers and an unnamed Dean. “I have made it very, very, clear to you all many time that it is strictly against the policy of this administration to waste quality food on students who already go here. They’re NOT a market priority!” the Dean said, before slamming his desk Frank Underwood style.

Many students were overjoyed at the dining hall’s complacency. “Best lunch I’ve had all year,” upper Grant Cammock remarked. “The lack of newly admitted students gave me an important break from pretending to be happy for the past few days,” the lower said with a strained smile.

As the sun went down on campus, freezers in the Elm Street D-hall kitchen eavesdropped on another secret meeting. “We need to clean up our act,” the D-hall manager instructed his employees. “Another slip-up like this during alumni weekends, and we’re going to be blamed for low fundraising.”