30 Lies to Tell Experience Exeter Parents

1. D-hall food always tastes like this.

2. Oh, yes, I’m sure your child is the smartest.

3. The Humor Page is a respectable institution.

4. Peabody is the best dorm on campus.

5. Your child should definitely take Latin.

6. I’m not suffering.

7. “Non sibi” means “future investment bankers” in Latin. At least in practicality.

8. Preps aren’t a disease.

9. I get a healthy nine hours of sleep every night.

10. American Culture Club is diverse.

11. Abbot Casino is a great event.

12. Your child definitely is tall enough to join the crew team.

13. Debate isn’t a cult.

14. I try to limit my coffee intake to one cup per day.

15. Deerfield is also a great school.

16. PEAN stands for “Phillips Exeter Academy Nyearbook.”

17. Abstinence is a hot trend on campus.

18. Principal MacFarlane definitely won’t steal your child’s bagel.

19. I have free time.

20. I’m not bitter.

21. Mr. Cosgrove’s first name is Dean.

22. Andover’s food is bad.

23. Everything is fine.

24. No, your Burberry handbag doesn’t make you look too pretentious.

25. I don’t get sick, ever. The flu doesn’t exist here.

26. All the tests are 100% passable.

27. I only cry once a week.

28. The Exonian is well run and we always get out  of the office early.

29. I experience hope.

30. Student Council listens to its constituents, especially regarding delicious Middle Eastern cuisine.

31. We have 30 items in this list.