Tips for Surviving This Election

1. Cover your ears and scream so you can’t hear any incoming results.

2. Google Joe Biden memes while you still can.

3. Stockpile non-perishables in your dorm room.

4. Buy tinfoil, for a hat and to wrap your non-perishable jerky in if you ever have leftovers.

5. Read about rebuilding periods after past authoritarian regimes so you have a plan if Trump wins.

6. Consider applying to Oxford for college. Remember that you’d never get in and look into Vancouver Community College.

7. Write a poem about Hillary Clinton and build a shrine around it, begging God to get her elected to save us from fascism.

8. Research what Aleppo is in case you ever run for president.

9. Write sad humor articles because you are afraid.

10. Ponder if those sad humor articles will get you assassinated if Trump wins.