Early Applications Strike Hearts of Seniors
Seniors are soon to submit their early decision and early action applications not just for college, but also for life. The Early Life Decision application allows twelfth graders to write out a detailed description of the life they want, why they should get it, and whether or not their parents would be willing to donate a tennis court. If admitted, the applicant is then given the opportunity to either become a surgeon, marry and have 2.5 kids or become a lawyer, marry and have 2.5 kids.
“I was nervous about applying Early Life Decision at first,” stated senior and try-hard Megan Bell. “For awhile I couldn’t decide which job my parents were forcing me into the most. After six more passive aggressive links to information about Harvard Law, I knew that my perfect life would involve a lot of reading and the potential to ruin others’ lives.”
Other seniors are facing similar stress during this time. “I honestly do not think that I will get admitted into my Early Decision Life,” said four-year and former prep spaz captain John Camp. “I’ve only been tri-var for two years, barely made it into early cum laude, once missed one of my nine ESSO clubs, and placed second nationally for table tennis.” John Camp took a moment to sob. “Now I realize that I just haven’t done enough and that my future is wholly ruined.”
Still, there are seniors that are already committed to a life. “I’m pretty sure that I’ve been committed since birth,” commented ’17 member Ronald Trunt. Trunt, son of the wealthy businessman Ronald Trunt Sr., plans on continuing the family business and traveling to Europe every two weeks. “It’s nice to know that I am already committed, but I worked endlessly to get here.”
The majority of seniors are not applying to Early Life Action. “Oh no, I totally respect all the Early Life Action life choices. I just personally want to steer clear of them,” reported 12 anonymous sources.
As early decision and early action applications come to a close, seniors are able to spend their time otherwise. “Once I submit everything for my Early Life Decision,” said Bell, “I can finally get around to completing all of my regular applications. I love senior year.”