Recipe for Disaster

Eat this every day and you’ll be a tri-var athlete!

Success and Athleticism (contains peanuts)

1. Egg yolks (protein)

2. Spinach (green)

3. The cheese on the top of Front Row’s pizza (calcium)

4. The math problem that no one puts on the board (fiber)

5. Peanuts (peanuts)

“I blend all the ingredients together and put the mix in the oven at 50 degrees for 45 minutes every morning,” boasted Megan Campbell, vegan (and thus health expert) of 37 years. “With each meal of Success and Athleticism I feel an odd sensation throughout my entire body, and this sensation is without a doubt the reason I am on varsity football, swimming and crew.” Campbell first became the manager for these teams when she was in her upper year.

While the dining hall does not provide each ingredient, they are easily found around campus. “Someone nailed a glob of cheese to my door and now I realize that no, it wasn’t hazing, but rather a dormmate helping me stay fit,” stated new student Michael Buble. “At least I hope it was cheese.”

The administration, which rations out the food on campus, has yet to comment on the new development. If you have any recipes of your own, email them to Exeter’s own recipe club at exonianhumor@gmail.com.