A Guide: Writing for Humor

1. The best humor articles are lists, especially lists that are under ten points. It’s not like we barely get any articles and are running on Grill cookies and each other’s pain. What kind of credible secondary school newspaper organization association would that be?

2. The points should be short too, to leave this wonderfully beautiful white space:

3. If you’re not using the Humor Page to address personal things, you’re not doing it right. Please tell us about the guy who stole your almost-girlfriend (who conveniently doesn’t know you exist, yet) and how much you hate preps (now that you’re a big, bad lower). The more bridges you can burn, the better.

4. Nobody ever writes about how bad they think D-Hall food is, how glorious Alex the Geologist is and how day students are socially awkward, wear glasses and are named Elizabeth Yang. You should definitely write about one of those things.

5. Write about how much you love Jeb Bush. We really miss him. A lot.

6. Have someone else, someone funnier write your articles for you. Call it a “collaboration.” Become a humor editor this way. It’s a good idea, trust me. All the humor editors last year went to Ivies and that’s the only thing we’re about, right?

7. Try putting the preps into their place. No one’s ever done that before.

8. Use this space to make fun of all the sports that you cannot do. Athletic people know to pick on people their own size, so you’ll be safe.

9. Do not write anything humorous. Rather, know that the editors will publish anything that you submit and thus make the humor page the stage for your personal beliefs and your TMI issues.

10. If you were planning to send a piece to the Opinions section, email it to us instead. This way, you’ll at least be taken seriously.