Standardized Testing Now Relevant
According to the College Counseling Office, new reports are now surfacing that standardized tests such as the SAT I, SAT II, ACT and LOL-COLLEGE, actually matter. For many years, students have been wondering how filling in impossibly small circles on an annoyingly generic test for four hours will demonstrate their worth to elite colleges. Now we have an answer. These standardized tests, which many teens consider the bane of their existence, are used to measure your worth as a person.
“This is an immense breakthrough,” a CollegeBoard representative said. “Now standardized tests will not only be seen as an over-priced requirement for getting into college, but will be used to accurately gauge your projected relevance to the world. It’s relatively straightforward: unless you score a 700 (or 32 on the ACT) or above in every section, you’re pretty much trash.” Time will be needed to evaluate students’ perspectives on the new adaptation of standardized tests, but so far, the overall reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Some even cite experiencing a new sense of self with the “700 or bust” score breakdown.
“You know it’s somewhat relieving to know how I fare compared to my classmates,” said a senior who scored 680 on every section. “My scores affirmed my thoughts that I truly am a mediocre person. It’s refreshing, actually, to know who I am.”
Although students, counselors and colleges support this new take on standardized test scores, which everyone really knew was true from the start, there have been concerns about an impending boom in the test-prep business. Some even speculate that test-prep services such as Kaplan will soon become synonymous with names such as Carnegie, Rockefeller or DuPont. Congress is expected to step in and do something to regulate what will soon become the next major business empire. But then again, who are we kidding—even Student Council gets more done than them.
Overall, everyone seems to be content with quantifying an abstract concept and handing another aspect of their life over to a machine. These rules, of course, do not apply to recruited athletes going through the college process, but then again, when do rules ever apply to them?