50 Ways to Tell Bae You’re Interested

1. Peacock yourself. (Wear pastels.)

2. Intensely stare at them from across the Harkness table.

3. Intensely stare at them across D-hall.

4. Intensely stare at them from outside their window.

5. Invite yourself over for fives.

6. Memorize their entire schedule.

7. Coincidentally show up to all of the places they go. Like the bathroom.

8. Send them Snapchats of themselves.

9. Send them Snapchats of you crying alone so they know you’re available.

10. Mention the fact that you have Netflix or a Netflix username and password.

11. Don’t ask them to EP.

12. Introduce them to your parents.

13. Bring them a home-cooked pie from D-hall.

14. Like a picture from two years ago on their Facebook.

15. Slowly start to dress like them.

16. Introduce yourself to their parents.

17. Photoshop yourself into all of their baby pictures.

18. Send them good morning texts on Saturdays at 6 a.m.

19. Talk in limericks to show your poetic side.

20. Act socially inept around them so you stick out.

21. Get a water tattoo of their face.

22. Tell their adviser that you're dating their advisee.

23. Give them candy to train them to like you.

24. Get a Tinder, make them a Tinder, and match the two of you up.

25. Tell them you’re interested.

26. Haha, just kidding.

27. Send them a link to your Abbot Casino profile picture.

28. Ask for their number. (Social security, of course. You’re trying to form a trusting relationship.)

29. Mention that you are currently in possession of the dorm futon.

30. Ask them out in a language they don’t know so they can’t confidently decline.

31. Email them your LinkedIn.

32. Invite them to History Club meetings.

33. Clean your room in preparation for V’s.

34. Make everyone else suddenly come down with the stomach flu.

35. Show them that A you got on a math test in prep year.

36. Leave them ransom messages in P.O.

37. Let your friends be around them. Friends are great for revealing embarrassing secrets.

38. Make eye contact. (As in constant staring.)

39. Ask them questions. Like who they want to spend the rest of their life with.

40. Name your children after them.

41. Name your history essays after them.

42. Send screenshots of your guys’ adorable Sims family.

43. Install something in their room that says your name over and over again while they sleep.

44. Buy them a Valentine’s Day gram in The Exonian.

45. Steal their phone and enter your phone number.

46. Ask them for chemistry help. As in the chemistry between the two of you.

47. Ask them for biology help, specifically about the reproductive system.

48. Remind them that if they are alone and start choking, they are more likely to die.

49. Show them your dance moves you learned from Beat of Asia.

50. Write a humor article and hope they notice.