Fifty Reasons to Go to EP with Me

1. Take one for the team.2. I have a plethora of Spanish pickup lines memorized.3. You are guaranteed an awkward hug.4. You are also guaranteed a group of girls that watch your every move from the window.5. I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue, which in turn means that I eat fruits and am a healthy individual.6. The competition is relatively low.7. I’m majestic and that also happens to be my name.8. If you buy me an Oreo milkshake then I am pretty much indebted to you forever.9. I can recite the entirety of The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.10. While she wears short skirts, I wear tshirts.11. I can talk about Iowa for a record of five minutes which, for most Iowans, is a huge accomplishment.12. You can ditch the tie because there’s a fifty percent chance that I will already be in my pajamas.13. Our children are already named.14. I’m totally mature for my age.15. I passed all of my classes prep fall.16. You never have to worry about me out-fashioning you.17. When the winter months roll around and you need someone to warm you up, I will lend you a blanket.18. There is a possibility that my mother will send you a thank you card.19. You may or may not find yourself in anonymous fanfiction two years from now.20. I’ve only fallen down the stairs three times this term and am at my prime.21. Though I love trick-or-treating, I do not like candy. Do you know what that means? I give out chocolate. Classic.22. By day I am a hardworking student and by night I am a level 85 Elf Rune-Keeper named Crailos.23. We didn’t meet on Tinder.24. I have the High School Musical 2 CD.25. If I don’t know you, then do not fret. I do not know a lot of people.26. I know the intricacies of Miley Cyrus’s family.27. I’m an A-Lister on Kim K Hollywood.28. My robot dance moves are on point.29. I promise not to cringe when you pick me up at the door.30. Never have I ever contracted hand-foot-mouth.31. I have never set the fire alarm off while microwaving Easy Mac.32. No one will try to steal me from you.33. Buzzfeed told me that my best trait is my personality.34. If you happen to be thirsty, then I will take the opportunity to remind you that over half of me is water.35. I’m not addicted to 2048. Anyomore.36. Please.37. I have Netflix.38. I will laugh at my jokes enough for the both of us.39. My fantasy football team is not last.40. My anaconda do.41. You will have met the world’s #1 Rock-Paper-Scissors competitor.42. If I were to ever disagree with you, I would respectfully disagree with you.43. All of my previous EP dates have survived. On the outside.44. I will not be jealous or clingy because I have no emotions.45. I can be your human autocorrect.46. You can call me Queen Bee.47. There is a list of promposal ideas in my desk.48. I have a six pack. (Of Sprite, but it still counts.)49. I got my retainer off last year.50. I’m willing to forget that Tuesday night ever happened.