This Is Your Body on Cookies

A large group of students composed of athletes, fitness gurus, and burgeoning entrepreneurs joined together in Grill on Tuesday to protest the snack bar’s long-standing practice of selling quality cookies at an affordable and reasonable price."It has to stop," a distance runner said. "As a runner, I maintain a strict diet in order to perform at my peak. Then I see that Grill has freshly baked cookies again, and my workout of the day has gone to waste."The sentiment was shared by one wrestler, who monitors his caloric intake year round. "I walk into Grill after assembly and I think ‘go ahead bud, you deserve a cookie!’ but at fifty cents apiece I’d be crazy not to get at least eight of them. They’re just too good."A lower and member of the Exeter Investment Club also joined the protesters on Tuesday. While carrying a large picket sign that read "GRILL IS THE REAL COOKIE MONSTER" in blood-red letters, he told the Exonian that, "from an economic standpoint, it makes absolutely no sense for Grill to be selling their cookies at such a fair and reasonable price. The cookies are far too tasty to be sold at such a fair, honest price. Basically, if a student doesn’t feel like they’ve been ripped off immediately after buying an item, something is wrong."A spokesperson from the bookstore agreed. "At Exeter, we have a habit of selling items at ten, twenty times their worth. That’s why all our textbooks are priced at hundreds of dollars. With the same logic, Grill should be selling each cookie at ten to twenty dollars each."Because of the numerous reports of students who are seemingly unable to stop eating Grill’s cookies, an investigation led by the Deans and Health Services is currently underway to find out whether or not Grill is lacing their cookies with an addictive substance in order to get customers "hooked" on their product."We’ve seen these same symptoms in heavy drug addicts," a health instructor said. "Compulsive buying, a desire to quit but being sucked back into the same routine over and over… Ultimately, the supply is just too available to get these kids to quit."When contacted regarding this article, Grill spokespeople declined to comment, instead encouraging us to "Try one, just once."