Faculty of the Week: Mercy Carbonell

By Otto Do and Lina Huang

Mercy Carbonell’s perfect day starts with waking up without needing to be anywhere, hearing the breathing of her loved ones, and seeing Justice of every kind being served.

Carbonell fights for this day—“a day where all have access to healthcare, food, education and reparations to what each of us needs in our own ways, a day where Black people, queer people, people with disabilities and people living on the street will not have to live in fear of being killed, a day where Indigenous people will be able to have their land back and a day where marginalized communities will receive the dignity of their authentic being,” she explained. 

“[On that day], the earth will not be burning, the elderly will rise to laughter with their loved ones, who will come through the door with flowers and music and lean down to offer a kiss on their foreheads. On that day, children in NICU wards will feel the touch of their mothers’ hands on their backs and know that they will live and grow strong even before they have language to speak about it,” she continued. 

“Somewhere in a place I have never known, someone is turning to someone they have been furious with for centuries, and they are engaged in reconciliation and listening to one another’s pain/grief/infinite joy/laughter,” she said. 

“In this world, the people I love and care for are not in pain, are able to work to do what they love or move freely and will feel a new state of contentment and enthusiasm and purpose. In this world, I can visit the people I miss dearly, walk or bike or hike in sunlight or even rain, swim or float in an ocean, write, make art, make meals from food grown from gardens, make music and sit with a slow evening ahead, discussing of a new world,” Carbonell said.

Carbonell was a “young queer/sort of out white feminist maybe socialist woman athlete-artist maybe scholar” in college in the late 80’s and 90’s, where she studied Studio Art. “I gravitated towards those who were outspoken, willing to name injustice, creating Art in their own ways, exploring the crossing of genres, unsilencing what had been silenced,” she said. “I spent hours in the Printmaking Studio creating etchings that were a reclamation of language used in violence against women.”

Despite her interest in visual art, she ended up majoring in English. “I was in love with words: the grace of rhetoric; the elegant and radical composition of a sentence; the ambiguity of thought and ideas; the way a lasting question can ground us and keep us in motion.”

In 1993, Carbonell was a line cook and a prep chef when she was offered a job as an Intern at Exeter. “That seemed at the time like gold. I could make Art, teach Rosario Morales & Audre Lorde & Adrienne Rich & Cherrie Moraga & Gloria Anzaldua, encourage students to find their personal voice as writers, coach the sports I had always loved, drive 10 minutes to the ocean at 6am, leap in, driveback, train on the courts & have ‘free’ food and maybe make a life. Maybe,” she said.

At Exeter, she has worn many hats: an English teacher; a Field Hockey, Squash and Lacrosse coach, all of which she was recruited for in college; a dedicated past and present committee member for MLK day and Meditation, Academic Advising, Hidden Culture & Curriculum and Learning About Learning; an occasional artist for the Lamont Gallery; and a speaker who shares her quest to make the world a better place. 

In this venture, Carbonell has broken many traditions. At the end of a year of coaching the field hockey team, Carbonell always grants the MVP award to the entire team. “This is a clear lesson that she instills in players and students,” Mathematics Instructor and former student Diana Davis said.

“I have always believed in the creation of a ‘team’—cohorts, coalitions, teams for competition on playing fields, communities where listening/forgiveness/justice is central, the creating & the sharing of meals. I have always believed that a life in the Arts is what will heal, nurture, create and allow for justice. I believe in reconciliation, listening, speaking truth,” Carbonell said.

Six questions frame her drive for equity: “Who Speaks? Who listens? Whose voices are silenced? Whose voices are legitimized? What systems/structures are in place that do not allow for Justice? How can we envision education for liberation & justice?”

If you have had any correspondence with Carbonell, you’ll know that questions are at the center of her approach to teaching. (And tildes!)

Senior Isa Matsubayashi noticed this. “Even if somebody asks a ‘not-so-amazing question,’ she leans into the table, urging them, Matsubayashi said. “‘Tell me more,’ she would say. I believe that this is because she doesn’t believe in ‘not-so-amazing questions.’”

With endless questions steering her, Carbonell opens spaces of listening, discourse, learning and unlearning. “I think of Listening, of carefully listening, of the way confusion opens conversation, of the way half truths uttered even with hesitation are small offerings that open meaning and new questions for all to hear, to witness and to receive,” Carbonell said.

In addition to exploring new ideas, recovering or unlearning are critical aspects of Carbonell’s pedagogy. “Some teachers watch children, so small and wild, growing up and they create landscapes their students can trust. Sometimes, even though I love to witness students swing into consciousness, I want to help my students recover what they were like when they were that small, that wild,” Carbonell said.“I believe in meeting students where they are.”

“Mercy was one of a few English teachers who recognized and rewarded vulnerability; she sensed when a student was going out on a limb, experimenting with a new rhythm or trying to name a feeling that existed outside our mid-aughts high-school cliche,” Matt Colangelo ‘05 said. 

“In her class, I felt the freedom to be romantic because Mercy is a teacher who brings out the romantic in you, inviting you to think with your heart instead of focusing on grades or sounding ‘smart,’” Maria Maldonado ’04 said. “Her class is the only class I never stressed about my final grade or within terms of my class performance. You don’t have to perform in Mercy's class, you can come as you are.”

Long time companions or “co-conspirators” Jung Mi Lee and Jon Sakata noted that Carbonell’s leaning into thought-provoking directions are what make anyone’s encounters with her so valuable. “We love how her teaching, activism, care, and criticality never sanitizes the messiness of life; the complex relationships and crevices between people, issues, narrative threads; the dense and dangerous and fragile counterpoints and imbrications of how our lives and lanes cross, detour, contour, rhizome,” Lee and Sakata said.

Lee and Sakata recall an Academy reception a number of years ago in which Carbonell asked about the Russian philosopher, M. M. Bakhtin. “Her interest was in his notion of the ‘dialogic,’ ours was in his development of the ‘chronotope’ and ‘open society.’ We’ve shared a deep friendship ever since,” Lee and Sakata said.

Carbonell envisions a Phillips Hall basement classroom with lamps lit or sitting on quad discussing Spring in Love. “Laying on the grass spread like a fan that would look beautiful from a plane. Or on a playing field where the moon shines full over the tree line at dusk and suddenly a field hockey team is leaving their work on offensive corners and rushing up the steps of the stadium and turning to their coaches to say, ‘Come. Come and look, too.’ Or in a common room late at night when the Seniors in Dunbar gather and laugh and tease one another and fall into philosophy between the banter already created over years and night and memories only they will witness,” she said.

“We are inspired by her dedication to creating the conditions where each student can maze and imagine and discover ever farther regions of themselves and the ever-shifting tectonics of this world. To speak truth not only to power, but what may take even greater courage and determination: to speak truth to oneself. Literature doesn’t lie,” Lee and Sakata said.

“She has been instrumental in helping scores of Exonians find their voices and their passions, both on the page and in real life,” English Instructor Erica Lazure said. “Her student-centered approach to her teaching and coaching, as well as her continued commitment to uplifting the voice and experiences of our marginalized students and colleagues, inspires many of us to push beyond our comfort zones and to embrace difficult issues.”

Carbonell calls on the community to listen to and make central the Black@, Queer@, Asian@ posts. “The courage of the students who wrote (and still write! even today!) in those posts must be acknowledged. It is never easy to name pain, to write it into the public sphere, to open the body to feeling it all over again. We owe serious gratitude to those willing to name hard truths. We owe those members of our community acknowledgement, accountability and a reparative justice. We owe them a commitment to action to become an to become an anti-anti-Blackness, anti-racist, anti-Oppression institution.”

A part of Carbonell’s work in bridging impact with words took place last year, when Carbonell collaborated with “ultimate coconspirator” and Lamont Gallery Director and Curator Lauren O’Neal to host a poetry recitation addressing gun violence, inspired by poetry book Bullets Into Bells. “[Lauren O’Neal] woke in me what I had lost by being here for so long: How to curate across along over under above within beyond ~ & to do so with radical love, theoretical collaborative wings, laughter & a rooted belief that the Arts are the criticality we all need to nurture our humanity & our desire for justice,” Carbonell said.

To prompt this self-discovery in her daily life, Carbonell often attaches meaningful words in her correspondences. “Each and every one of the emails she sends is like a work of art. She always includes a thought-provoking quote or poem,” senior Gabriella Shetreet said.

Upper Riley Valashinas keeps one of Carbonell’s quotes hanging in her room: you do not exist in isolation. “She’s encouraged me to learn how to advocate for myself when I need to, but I know that she’s also always ready to be my advocate,” Valashinas said.

Seeing the love of teaching Carbonell exudes, students have turned to her for mentorship and friendship. “Ms. Carbonell is the first person I’ll turn to if I had a bad week. She has helped me anytime I’ve felt stressed, and she also helped me throughout the summer when I had some family members contract COVID,” upper Siona Jain said.

When Matsubayashi attended classes from Japan last spring, Carbonell talked with her individually in the early morning thirteen time zones away. “Those ‘conferences’ felt more like a deep talk with a sage than a conference with a teacher, and was really the highlight of my week,” Matsubayashi said. Shetreet agreed: “She never gives up on people.”

Carbonell’s embracement of her identity has inspired generations of Exonians. English Instructor Alex Myers remembers Carbonell as “a very visible lesbian” when she was his lacrosse coach in 1994. “I had just come out as a lesbian and I was so grateful to have an adult on campus who mirrored my identity in some ways,” he said. “I think she is absolutely unique in her personality and directness. She confronts problems and engages with passion.

“She is open about her sexuality and she was really the first person I met that made me think that that could also be a possibility for me,” senior Sophie Turer said. “I know her life hasn’t been easy, but if I could be even a fraction of the person she is I would be happy. There have been times where I’ve gone to her feeling entirely hopeless and she has comforted me and motivated me more than anyone else really could.”

“Ms. Carbonell's friendship has been a backbone for so many faculty at Exeter through the years.  Her radical queerness has been a safe haven for students and adults alike seeking a kindred spirit,” a former faculty member said.

Carbonell’s living and working spaces also reflect her generous spirit. “You’re immediately assaulted with bright colors, her students’ art projects, books, rubber ducks, and a Harkness table that is written and drawn on with all of her students’ signatures, quotes, and drawings. Her house is very much the same. It is an organized chaos, and it is wonderful,” Shetreet said.

Davis hopes to one day do the same. “Over the years, I have collected lots of interesting relics and inspiring objects, which I am looking forward to putting in my own classroom (if COVID ends and I ever actually teach out of one); this is inspired by Ms. Carbonell,” she said.

Carbonell’s carefully cultivated chaotic classroom has been a home for Turer. “Maybe it’s just the rosy glaze of memory, but it felt like an escape from our lives into her world of peace and books. I feel like everywhere she goes she carries her other realm with her. Her space where we are all free to dream and think, without the cuffs of reality or judgment,” she said.

The first time English Instructor Willie Perdomo walked into Carbonell’s classroom, he recalled seeing a pair of boxing gloves “That’s when I realized that my Phillips Hall neighbor is a fighter in the most sublime sense of the word.”

“Her endless labor of love, often against the currents that be, has opened and continues to open space for those of us who are not historically the neatest fit at Exeter,” Dorm Affiliate and MLK Committee member Derin Korman said. “Knowing that she has been doing this work for twenty-five years and counting, I wouldn't dare to imagine a PEA without Ms. Carbonell.”

Carbonell’s extensive impact on those around her may simply be a product of her curiosity. “I am drawn to what is meaningful,” she said. “I am curious about how others make, feel, create experience meaning no matter where I am. I am drawn to the unknown. I am drawn to people who have a spiritual depth, a soulful way of being in the world, who ask questions & are vulnerable, are creative and from whom I can learn new ways of being.”

While instilling curiosity and elevating others, Carbonell remembers those who have supported her the whole way. “The loss of Rev. Heidi Heath and Lauren O’Neal weigh on me every day. Dear friends, comrades in queering life, I miss them every day in my professional realm.”

“Her love for the world and for people overflows. Her moral center is unwaveringly clear. And her kind insights into the complexity of experiences that make up Exeter cast everything into light,” Religion Department Chair Hannah Hofheinz said. 

“Ms. Carbonell embodies the human struggle to be free,” Perdomo said. “ She understands that struggle and progress are not mutually exclusive. Her level of resistance doesn’t fall for the superficial trend toward justice and correction; hers is a lifelong battle for liberation and equality.”

Remembrances for Ms. Carbonell

“One of Mercy’s great gifts is her capacity to be present… to listen deeply, to hear insights connected to you that aren’t even echoes yet in your own spirit, but somehow, through love and patience, Mercy recognizes them and has a way of sharing her responses with you that opens you up to possibility, hope, and passion.  You want to care when you are around her because she cares so much.  I have walked away from an in-person conversation (on the beach or while walking with her beloved Scout) and have felt empowered to believe that I can make a difference.  That my life matters, that your life matters and together we can bring about change that honors our dignity, creativity, differences, and energy.  And somehow in the midst of all the ways we intersect with each other, we can experience the Unity of our Uniqueness as sacred.” 

 - Jamie Hamilton

“Ms. Carbonell was my advisor during my four years in Dunbar and her advisee meetings were always a blast (She often made us amazing snacks, like banana bread). One night early on in my senior year, I was early to an advisee meeting. She handed me her Brown Alumni Magazine. On the cover was playwright Paula Vogel who at the time was a teacher at Brown. Ms. Carbonell looked at me and said she thought I should apply to Brown and work with Paula Vogel. I did a lot of theater at Exeter, but I hadn't thought about becoming a playwright. I also hadn't really decided if I wanted to apply to Brown. She saw something in me that I hadn't fully connected yet. Fast forward 17 years from that moment and I am a playwright and TV writer who went to Brown and took a class with Paula Vogel...and still loves banana bread. I have Ms. Carbonell to thank for that.” 

- Charly Evon Simpson ‘04

“My senior year at Exeter began with the twin towers being struck by planes on the morning of 9/11. My teammates and I had just left an early morning pre-season field hockey practice with Carbs (as we called her) when we all saw the news. When we returned to the field a few hours later for our second practice of the day, distraught and numb, Carbs gathered us to reflect, cry, share, and grieve together. The morning before every game that season, she'd write inspiring poetry about the importance of teamwork or highlighting the strengths and achievements of a particular player on the team, leaving the poems in our po boxes to buoy us through our days and toward the afternoon's match. With Carbs as coach, you always had the sense that you were part of something bigger than just sport; she encouraged us to fully show up even for small challenges in our lives, to mine them for meaning, and seek grace in how we show up for ourselves, and for each other, on and off the field.” 

 - Laura Waleryszak ‘02

“Ms. Carbonell has taught me to cherish my imagination, break loose from boundaries or norms, and approach my passions with the love that birthed them.”  

- Osiris Russell-Delano ‘21

“Mercy Carbonell is a gem and has been one of the most formidable allies and agents for justice that I have ever met. She champions her students and friends with life giving words and protects like the mother of all bears. Her spirit is both rooted in truth and limitless as the air. That has been my experience of her and the impact has been to see myself as I believe God sees me, with power and grace. I believe she does this for pupils passing through her classes, discovering themselves through her gently firm nudges. Mercy breathes life. I love her.” 

 - Augustus Toyin

“As everyone knows, the pandemic forced schooling online in the spring. Zoom became the connection for teachers and students across the nation. How effective a tool would Zoom (and other online meeting platforms) be for Harkness? With Exeter Summer migrating online was well, I enjoyed talking with her about the experiences she and others were having. She shared the term her students created: “Zarkness.” Since Ms. Carbonell teaches, mentors and facilitates faculty discussion of Harkness during Exeter Summer, she carried this apt term over into the summer. She always wants to make sure that “Harkness” does not become so familiar a word that we fail to examine our actual practice.”  

- Russell Weatherspoon

“There are so many times when she has spoken in a meeting or a small-group conversation when a bunch of light bulbs go off for me, and I find I'm thinking about something in a whole new way or a deeper way.” 

- Sue Repko

“She cultivates an incredibly personal connection while still maintaining the necessary amount of mentor-mentee essence with all students she meets and works with. I believe this stems from a genuine and innate love for teaching as well as people from all walks of life. Her impact on the Exeter community is a direct translation of this love, as she has been at the forefront of many movements for change at Exeter, giving a voice to students who may have felt they were without one. I have been able to embrace more of who I am, including the parts I’d always been apprehensive about, because I knew that if I fell somebody would always be there to catch me and if I was struggling to fully “stand tall” there’d be somebody to bolster me as well as accept the full version of me. She encouraged me to hone in on and expand my empathy which has reengineered the way that I think and interact with myself, others, and the world around me.”  

- Margaret Norsworthy-Edghill

“I still think the greatest impact was having her as a role model and mentor while I was a student. There were so few out faculty back then and so few out students, that we really leaned on each other in the mid-90s. Homophobia and discrimination was blatant on campus and she was a vocal fighter against that.”

- Alex Myers

“Ms. Carbonell has relentless energy. She is unwaveringly focused on social justice, in all its forms, and on centering student experiences and voices. This permeates every area of her work. She's committed to asking the right questions as a way forward. She's also deeply creative, and she has what I like to think of as the poet's or artist's associative mind.”

- Wei-Ling Woo

“When I worked with her on the MLK Committee, she was a staunch supporter of justice and empowered the students on the committee to have a leading role in the celebration. When I became a student in her class, she taught me to be honest in my writing and authentic in my speech by making her classroom a space where our unique persons were encouraged to show up everyday. When I witnessed and experienced racial injustice at Exeter and wanted to address it, she was there as a support system, but more than that she was and continues to be faithful in using her respected position at the Academy to elevate awareness of injustice and encourage change in the spaces she wields influence… She is a model teacher understanding that a student’s education must be holistic, not only developing skills and tools—which are important—but she understands that these skills and tools lose their optimal value without being taught along with those things that make us human and can make us better human beings. Thank you, Ms. Carbonell.”

Kelvin Green ‘17